The void sucks me in.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011 9:24 PM

It's all in my mind.

Disclaimer: This is not lit analysis.

... I never felt that Breaking Dawn was the most realistic. To me, it was always New Moon and Eclipse.

Twilight- it's the sweetest to read, but just as surreal as Bella found it. Or more surreal than Bella found it.

New Moon. At that point that I first read it at least, it resonated with me the most deeply. The loss- the nothingness, then the hurt that doesn't leave. Even if my own feelings weren't as intense and as extreme as Bella's.

Eclipse. Jacob has to watch as Bella chooses one over him. Worse- of all people, it is someone dangerous. To him. And how it must have hurt- to let Bella see that she actually does love him back, and yet she still chooses Edward.

F0r Breaking Dawn... I only liked Jacob's pov. The rest, seeing through Bella's pov... It was too perfect. Too extraordinary. As much as it was useful, that gift of hers... Cool, yes. Explains why Edward can't see her mind, yes. Realistic? No.

Thinking on your words, however.

I do see how Bella's irritating. But I find it hard to detest her for the fact that she leaned towards Jacob. When coldness is your only companion, and your memories shred your heart... It's not hard to imagine that one will reach out to someone like Jacob. A sun that burns brightly. Someone whom you need zero effort to reach, who takes you as you are.

When one is floundering, how can it be begrudged that she reaches out for anything to keep her from sinking?

Yes, she used him ill, considering that she went back to Edward anyhow. And top it off with the fact that she loves both of them?

Thinking on your words, I start to agree on your take of Breaking Dawn.

In the book. Aro- people who have the power to hide their whims under a glorious cause. These people exist. When truth is shoved in their face, they can still try to find a way about it. Even when support begins to crumble, people who have the power and are willing to sacrifice those on their side to save their hides. There are people like that.

Sam and Jacob. Even when the cause seems just or necessary on one side, it doesn't mean that that's the only solution. You don't want to submit, then you have to find an alternative. It could be hard, it can be lonely. But when you decide to take the first step to even try, you may find that you are not alone. Power can be questioned. The only issue is what you are willing to stake, and whether your cause gives you motive enough.

Jacob's imprinting. Even if Edward and Bella were pissed off over the fact that Jacob imprinted on Reneesme, it saved the Cullens. Sometimes you need to depend on what you don't like- you have no choice. There won't be room for personal preferences when one has to consider the whole picture.

In the movie. Bella and Edward regarding the... feutus. They fall out- Edward just washes his hands off the situation. It'd give Bella considerable pressure- yet she doesn't give in. How easy it would be to give in, just to hold on to Edward's affections! Yet thinking about it- in real life, even if Bella were to give in. Would it be enough to salvage their relationship? The only redeeming factor of Edward's behaviour here is that it is out of worry for Bella. His behaviour in the movie is selfishness- from love of Bella.

I don't know. This is what comes to mind.

I usually don't enjoy myself when I'm watching the movie version of a book (the temptation to roll my eyes or worse when the movie does not follow the book is great- I have yet attempted to master evaluating the movie and the book separately)

... notice I said "usually". =)

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

Monday, November 28, 2011 10:03 PM

It's all in my mind.

I noticed that in the movie, the guy said “我喜欢你” instead of “我爱你”. For the most part.

I wondered.

But perhaps its only significance is that he hesitated using 爱.

Just as I hesitate using "love" for anyone beyond my immediate family.

I don't know if I can get this across fluently, but I shall try.

If I say "I love you" to my sister, I know I mean it.

13 years of being with her, seeing just about every facet of her character.

I don't have to like everything about her, I don't have to agree with her on topics. But regardless of it all, I love her. The most important thing is, regardless what the definition of love is, I think our relationship deserves the word.

But beyond that! For people I have shared my heart with but not my life.

I don't use the word "love".

How would I dare to use the word, when I don't even know how love is defined?

What is love? And how does the other party weigh the word love?

How do I define love?

Love. If one cares, does it count?

If one worries, does it count?

If one thinks about the other much more often than usual?

If one never wants to see the other hurt? And never wants to hurt him?

If one wants to smile when the other does?

If one wants to be there for the other when he wavers?

If, if, if... so what is love?

I don't dare to use the word.

疼爱。This I dare use, because, focusing on 疼, I can use it. I would feel justified.

喜欢。This I can use, but... it's appropriateness? No, I don't think so.

That's why: thank you. Because this response would be right from the heart, and there is barely any way of interpretation to change its meaning. Well, apart from politeness. ._.

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

... Trust me. Your will is stronger. You are stronger. ^^

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011 9:53 PM

It's all in my mind.

Aha. Found the quote.

"Every impulse of feeling should be guided by reason; and, in my opinion, exertion should always be in proportion to what is required." -- Mary Bennet, Pride and Prejudice

This is something that we might all find ourselves liable to overlook or forget sometimes.

I do forget.

Yet it is most vital, that even if we do, we won't feel it a waste, no?

Couldn't help but feel critical towards my class guys during chalet, but I always have been unaccommodating to people I'm not close to.

I lightened up after some hours, after their actions spoke for them that they were no longer drunk, and over bridge.

Bridge! A sense of satisfaction, since class chalet was the first time I played bridge after Chloe and Michele explained it during unit chalet. Most of the time I was surrounded by people who knew how to play and had much more experience, so they could correct me when I threw out frivolously wrong cards or cover me as my partner. ^.^

One of the guys said that I was actually quite good- but that I'd attribute to wonderful cards. Still it was great- bridge bridged the distance I usually had with the guys or allowed me longer time to engage my friends.

Yiyao, Shimeng, Jolene, Wai Kit, Tzu Hsiang, Yong Sheng, Sebastian, Win Kit, Sally and Jiawen(?). In a way, this is an improvement on my part. Well, a bit late, considering that we are all changing classes, but *shrug*

I think did enjoy myself. ^^

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

Monday, November 21, 2011 11:18 AM

It's all in my mind.

... okay, darn. I get CSE instead of Lit.

That's quite a disappointment considering that, had I taken H1 Math, I would get the combi that I want. Yet I am not taking H1 Math.

Not that I object to seeing Mr Chia next year, not at all.

Not that I can't read up the Lit texts they're doing at my own time and pace.

But Lit is fun! T_T

Considering that I am not going to appeal for ELL (english language and linguistics, and Hannah Tan is a teacher ._.) since my LA score does not meet requirements (and I like History T_T)...

I am stuck with this combi. Not like I should appeal to get CSC right?

... *sighs*

Apparently the good fortune I had for the first subject combi (got my odd subject combi) did not last for the second. -.-

I'll have a month or so to reconcile myself to not taking Lit.

I'll get over it. But still. T_T

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

Sunday, November 13, 2011 3:09 PM

It's all in my mind.

There was that time I went to Junction 8 with my dad.

We passed an uncle, then both men stopped.

"Look familiar right?" the uncle said, addressing my dad.

"Yes- was it in the army?"

"Hmm ya possible. xxx?"

"Uh, no. I was from xxxxx."

"Oh then maybe from work luh."

"Yeah maybe. Take care!"

...

They parted ways not remembering where they knew each other.

My dad still didn't recall who that uncle was.

Somehow, when I watched the two of them at it, it wasn't funny. My dad didn't find it funny.

This is only slightly better than 擦肩而过。

As we move on, we meet more people and make more acquaintances, more friends.

Will we leave the same number of people behind?

Those who enter our lives- will they just fade away with time?

Those who enter our hearts- will they stay there?

... when memories do not suffice, when memories don't serve...

We are all at the mercy of time, aren't we?

Labels: Vague Ponderings

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

Saturday, November 5, 2011 11:02 PM

It's all in my mind.

我爸说我会哭是好事，它表示我感情丰富。

他说这是从他那里遗传的。只是他是男人，不能哭。

I wonder though whether tears show that we are too full of emotion, or that the emotions are too much for us to take.

And guys not supposed to cry as girls do?

Okay, fine, I don't remember having seen guys cry from being too touched or something of this sort, but if our hearts are made of the same material?

Some kinds of tears, for me, is possible to reign in.

That of anger, exasperation.

But when tears are intricately linked to our feelings, won't it give you no choice?

Fine if it's their personal choice to look strong.

But if the price of keeping it in is higher than letting it out...

I wonder.

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

Friday, November 4, 2011 7:59 PM

It's all in my mind.

随便翻翻了中一时订的《少年文摘》（1月刊），看到了这个……

握紧我的手

一个小女孩和父亲正在穿越一座桥。

父亲有点害怕，因此他对自己的女孩说：“宝贝，请握紧我的手，这样你就不会跌进湖里。”

小女孩说道：“不，爸爸，请你握紧我的手。”

“这有什么区别吗？” 父亲疑惑道。

“如果我握紧你的手，万一我发生不幸，我会松开你的手，把生还的机会留给你。可是，如果你握紧我的手，我确信无论发生什么，你都永远不会松开我的手。”

在任何关系中，信任的本质不是在于它的死死抓住不放，而是适当的约束。

Labels: Random Sharing

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011 10:21 PM

It's all in my mind.

^^ ...................

Was it me, or did the tone change?

I suddenly felt a shift... A shift from the lighthearted tones of what was until now.

*exhales deeply*

....... Well! on a more optimistic note, this ability to sense (or feel like I can sense) would help if I get to take lit again next year. ^^

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011 7:39 PM

It's all in my mind.

"Human beings never enjoy complete happiness in this world. I was not born for a different destiny to the rest of my species: to imagine such a lot befalling me is a fairy-tale - a day-dream."

Although the context is completely different from what Jane (Eyre) experienced, I couldn't help but think of this quote.

Now I wonder whether it has always been me, just because I don't dare to reach out for them.

Then again, I fancy I habitually choose the back seat- looking on the others rather than participating.

I got more than I deserved; what happened was that I reaped the results of others' hard work.

Labels: Hotshots♥ /RVNP

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

~ Profile ~

Tan Jing Yee
River Valley High School
RVNP HotShots! (sec1'08)
~~Shuqun Primary School~~
28 July

~ some quotes ~

♥ But I think... I want to live with all my memories. Even if they're bad memories. Even if they're memories that only hurt me... that I'd rather forget. If I keep them and keep trying, without running away, then someday I'll be strong enough that those memories can't defeat me. I believe that because I want to think that there's no such thing as a memory that's ok to forget.

♥ Pain, suffering. It's pointless to just think about those things. The traveler (referring to "The Most Foolish Traveler" by Natsuki Takaya) didn't. That may be stupid to some people but that's not stupid to me. Yuki... Kyo... when you close your eyes, what do you think?

♥ Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away... despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner hope will return to you. Again and again.

♥ Someday... no matter how cold it is now... the snow will melt. Without fail.

♥ For there to be pain, there has to be kindness. For darkness to stand out, there has to be the sun.

♥ Maybe I'm not perfect. Maybe I have a long way to go. But someday... someday I'll be able to stand and walk on my own. Without hurting anyone... and without being a burden.

♥ We're all born with selfish desires so we can relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is created individually by each person... So it's easy to misunderstand when someone is trying to be kind to you... But, Tohru, people's differences are something to celebrate.

♥ "And if when everything ends, nothing is left in my hands...that's alright."

♥ Mingling with people, hurting them, getting hurt by them. That's how you learn about people and about yourself. If you don't, you'll never care about anyone but yourself.

♥ I want to be the only one... who can help the one I care about.

♥ "I wish I could have lived... In a kind world. Without anxiety. Without fear. Without hurting other people. Without being hurt myself. Only doing the right things. I wish I could have followed... The shortest path... To the kind world I wish for. I wish... I could have lived my life... Without making any wrong turns. But that is impossible. A path like that doesn't exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time... we push forward. It's all we can do. On our own two feet. Even if we get a little banged up. Someday, we'll reach something. We'll reach someone. We pray."

♥ "Crowds used to make me wonder. How many people would notice if I disappeared? I used to mull over that kind of thing constantly... once upon a time. But now... I'm a little different. It's not like that. It doesn't have to be... A lot of people. Even if it's just one person. That's enough. Having one person... is an incredible thing. Because then... It can't be zero. I was happy. I was happy then, too. I was so happy, it tickled. In the midst of all those people... She singled me out... and found me. And it's the same thing now. Having someone other than yourself... thinking of you. Looking... for you. You can't take that for granted. It's a miraculous and blessed thing."

♥ "... please don't cry anymore. I know that happy things... and fun things.. eventually come to an end. But things that are scary and sad... come to an end too. They always do. Even if you can't always believe that... please don't give up. Live. I want you to live. Even if you make a mistake, even if you take the long way, it's still okay... Just please... please live. Don't give up on pushing forward. Please. At least don't give up on that. Even if I'm not... by your side."

♥ Often times in memory, we have the tendency to overly romanticize the people we care about.

♥ Humans may be fragile creatures, but they're not weak to the extent to being crushed by their painful memories even after they meet with something unfortunate. We're far more resilient that that. Everything will be alright.

♥ "Don't worry, Kanade. What a person has actually gone through is unexpectedly different from what he remembers. Even though that gap may leave him feeling sad sometimes... Even the most vivdly clear memory... will change with time eventually."

♥ "Humans are amazing. Even though they may not see something physically... They'll still sense it. Everything else is the same. If you work hard, others will know that you work hard. If you don't work hard, others will know that you don't work hard."

♥ "Someday... You'll find someone who'll know all your good and bad points... And who'll still love you all the same."

♥ If... There was ever a Land of the Blindfolded, will the people of that land... Understand what it's like to have your blindfold come undone? Even if... Most people will never understand us... There might just be... Someone who can do that. It isn't easy to understand people's feelings... But that doesn't mean... That you're alone.

♥ It is not violence that best overcomes hate — nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.

♥ The real courage is living and suffering for what you believe.

♥ “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

♥ Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all pity those who live without love.

♥ 每一段记忆，都有一个密码。只要时间，地点，人物组合正确，无论尘封多久，那人那景都将在遗忘中重新拾起。你也许会说“不是都过去了吗？”其实过去的只是时间，你依然逃不出，想起了就微笑或悲伤的宿命，那种宿命本叫“无能为力”。

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