Tuesday, May 31, 2011 11:15 PM
It's all in my mind.
I guess this is the softening they speak of.
I'm not sure whether to embrace it, or to shun its existence actually.
I suppose I am getting more reliant on their enthusiastic responses,
and more eager to see their smiles.
More and more casual around them, even during drill. I know it's wrong, and yet.
Less and less stern towards them.
They were so giggly today, or so ill-disciplined today.
And yet, I didn't devour them whole as I usually would- as I almost did during ITC.
This is... some shit.
I would recognise this as a weakness, a failure on my part.
A failure as an NCO, a squad IC.
I know that if they continue at this slack pace, the sec1s won't be ready for handover.
Their standard is there only when they choose it to be,
and they are way behind syllabus.
Their discipline... leaves much to be hoped for.
And yet, I still do this.
...
Damn fail.
And yet, I couldn't help myself as I saw them do bilibanja with such zeal today.
Unreasonable perhaps, but I was smiling when they actually put in so much energy into doing it.
Cheers may be their main redeeming factor.
... I don't know.
I don't know.
What have I made myself become? ^^
Labels: Hotshots♥ /RVNP
Friday, May 27, 2011 8:26 PM
It's all in my mind.
I don't exactly know what to say.
At the beginning, until the end, I am not sure what to say.
There are still more things I would like to wonder, and I said that I would not like to judge squadmates.
We don't know how you choose, do we?
You all never explain how you choose. Not that we must know, of course, but we'd have appreciated it.
And who chose-?
Not only for this badge- the other one as well.
Not that they are not deserving, I guess.
Not that I can do better.
但是你们要领导，那么不就应该让我们佩服得五体投地吗?
We're not cadets anymore. No longer just go there and do what officers tell us to, without using our brains.
As NCOs, Staff Ong Min said, albeit in a very different context,
everything also have to think.
...
I don't know.
I don't want to think.
I don't want to see, I don't want to judge.
Not this group of people.
I want to turn my head to the wall.
I said that I would not restrict myself in this blog,
but I wonder if I even have the right to judge in this case.
I wonder if you all have the right to choose for us,
and if your choices are the best for NCO squad.
For Hotshots, or the ideal best situation.
I believe we should have a say,
but in this structure, it is not feasible.
... I just hope that you have considered that re-promo is not a priority.
Ssgt test became a priority over other promos.
It is time to give squadmates their promotion tests.
I think we owe them that.
And for re-promo...
If it is to make me pass, then thank you but no thanks.
If it is to make sure the squadmates doing drill are not disadvantaged, because classroom lesson is easier or something (and that I was supposed to take drill in the first place),
then I'll go.
Perhaps just to show off my hideous drill and fail,
but...
I never wanted to be the second Staff "Jingyi".
Labels: Hotshots♥ /RVNP
Thursday, May 26, 2011 10:38 PM
It's all in my mind.
I don't really know how to comfort her, she being such a different person from me.
I wonder whether I used to be as... expressive as she. As open as she.
I decide that I have never been.
Not even at the beginning- though emotional too, but I didn't tell him until... A year or so later.
I think about recent times...
And still no.
Although with my crazy emotional outbursts in year one and two, it wasn't... in that direction.
Aggressiveness was my nature then.
Now... mainly pride, I guess.
Regarding that aspect... (I shudder to say the four lettered word)
To quote her, I am suppressing myself.
But I honestly don't see what's wrong with that.
I have learnt never to expect anything anymore.
It's a gradual buildup since primary school,
since every time I have expectations, it stabs me when it crashes,
and it almost always crashes.
How do I phrase it.
I don't give in to my feelings. I try to make sure that mind over... heart.
Of course, my feelings may drive me to take stupid actions,
but it doesn't go that bad.
I mean, it's all in my head.
All confined within my head.
And with time, I will realise what a fool I was from the very beginning.
Or maybe, just manage to convince myself what a fool I was for thinking that way.
I am good at convincing myself, I think.
Because whatever actions are thrown in my face, I can disregard it.
It is probably, most definitely, a figment of my imagination.
Only words can have a survival chance,
and yet, I can question (reasonably) whether there is any real feelings behind those words,
if you actually weighed it as I.
In the end, I would have just made my stand more obvious.
She who is so vastly different from me, I cannot comfort.
She is so intricately connected to her emotions, so many reactions are ruled by them.
I fancy myself more disconnected with mine;
I don't expect anymore, I don't infer anymore, I don't believe anymore,
and my smile is used more to satisfy the audience rather than a reflection of my own feelings.
I think.
Hers are lightyears away from mine.
So my eyebrows naturally want to shoot up when I see how much she banked on the guy's response.
Such high expectations.
It is almost like her emotions drive her to run up a tower, up to the highest level.
Then, from there, she discovers no one.
She waits, and no one seeks.
More time passes, and the particular person does not turn up.
Like a bungee jumper, she falls-
the recoil, whatever you call it, is a long way to go.
So meanwhile, she just continues plunging...
That's how emotions have an effect on you.
I have fallen before- the rope just snapped from my weight.
Somehow, I live still.
And since then, I never reach the top anymore.
Caught up in myself, I will wander up the stairs.
Less than halfway up, I will cringe at the idea of retracing my footsteps,
and wander back down.
For I don't believe my eyes anymore.
I don't believe my ears anymore.
I don't believe the touch on my skin,
Much less trust my brain.
Call it self preservation. ^^
Labels: Vague Ponderings
Sunday, May 22, 2011 5:42 PM
It's all in my mind.
Impressive ability to stem any form of conversation right?
After me, no one tags, no one posts...
And yet, after every tag, I get happy and hurriedly tag a reply. -_-
*sighs*
It happens so many times, I can't call it a coincidence... Right? ^_^
Saturday, May 21, 2011 1:06 PM
It's all in my mind.
As I said last time, I will leave the group.
Somehow, to me, it feels like step one in drifting from those 28 who now form the sec1squad,
one step closer into handing them over to the sec3s.
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel...
I'm not sure if I want to know how they'll behave after ROD,
how their standards will be etc.
... but I know I feel like rolling my eyes when I see their first draft for the ROD speech.
*rolls eyes*
Labels: Hotshots♥ /RVNP
Friday, May 20, 2011 7:32 PM
It's all in my mind.
Do I see too much, or far too little? Am I being cowardly? Selfish? I wonder. I seriously wonder.
I guess my OP results were the most devastating. The rest hurt, but I had expected it.
Amazing, really. Amazing really how all that i used to be good at falls apart. Amazing how everything crumbles away...
I wonder, really. How I used to be like that before. How my OP was one of the top in 2I, how LA used to be one of my best subjects.
I'll smile at my thought- perhaps that it was terminal velocity.
And now, it is falling with increasing acceleration...
I look at my rubrics and try not to grimace. At some point irrational tears threatened to flow-
I counted them.
2 E(xceeding)s, the rest D(eveloping)s.
With my group score fixed, I am forced to consider the very real possibility of her being compelled to give me even so many Es- or I would have just failed.
I suck. Seriously.
Although the points that she gave me D I acknowledge I did poorly, to have it stare in my face, this shitty grade... It can't even be pleased that my pronunciation or whatever was an E.
For all the skepticism I can give people, I am so shitty myself.
I look at the pathetic score written on my essay. I totally deserved it, but I didn't have the heart to read through the crap I wrote.
Even for Chinese, which I was never exceptional at... My compo score dipped- irrational, now, how I felt happy with my piece of work.
I have to open my eyes and start thinking.
I realise I can't write,
can't present...
My language.
It's not even about being good or not at being tested.
It is seriously seriously my inability.
I sigh
To realise that next year, there is really no combination for me.
Science student? Totally out. I hate science, and my foundation is as good as a pin supporting an elephant.
Arts student? Have you heard of one who can't write?
And I don't even want to think about GP.
And to imagine I was interested in KI.
My brain must have taken leave of me.
Idiot that I am.
And although I know the memories will still flit through, I blast music in my ears.
The memories of what I once felt, what I once grasped- now achieving nothing but driving a thorn into my mind.
Maybe I thought too highly of myself, took it all for granted.
Maybe I had it too early, and with time, it fades.
Maybe I didn't deserve...
And while I am glooming, I am still all too aware that to you who has felt hopelessness so many times greater than myself, I don't deserve to be emo-ing.
I can't even use the excuse that my heart is too weak- what would be in comparison to you just an ant's bite- this which would not even count for an impression compared to what you suffered through- you living strongly regardless just shows how worthless I am.
I am a mere shadow,
a mere whisper,
a mere breeze,
compared to your strength,
your heart,
your bravery.
Labels: Deep Emotions
Thursday, May 19, 2011 4:10 PM
It's all in my mind.
I hate it when I am asked a question and I don't know what to say.
I hate it when what I say is plain stupid.
I hate it.
I hate myself.
When people read my writings to and say that it is nice,
how come I can't agree with them?
When I post it, I feel satisfied- but thereafter, at the lack of response...
Even worse, seeing that people have actually looked at the story yet not reviewed...
I don't know, but it feels even worse than if they reviewed (i guess) and told me why they didn't like it.
When you tell me that I might consider writing in the future,
I can only smile- because I know that I actually suck.
I can't write properly.
I can't even freaking present fluently.
All these that I used to be good at,
Lang Arts which used to be one of my best subjects...
Even my chinese compos get shitty grades.
I don't know what is wrong,
but I know that I'm perfectly lousy.
Don't compliment me already.
It will just come back and haunt me thereafter,
spiting me as I look back at what I used to be.
Not on my supposed abilities.
Not on my looks, if there's anything to compliment there in the first place.
My strengths would probably consist merely of sarcasm, skepticism and how badly I can look down on myself.
All truths, anyway, so don't bother.
Labels: Deep Emotions
Monday, May 16, 2011 10:52 PM
It's all in my mind.
I don't know whether to smile or let my eyebrows shoot out of my forehead for her answers.
I am not sure whether I would prefer casual tones or formal tones, though I think I would never have spoken to my squad ICs in this manner. Even now, talking to officers... I will still keep myself in check, sort of.
But when she says it in this way...
*Half smile*?
Labels: Hotshots♥ /RVNP
Sunday, May 15, 2011 10:31 PM
It's all in my mind.
Going to be a very brief post this round, and extremely lack of thought. ^^
Went for Macbeth at Fort Canning park with Joey, Jolene, Jia Wen, Pei Hua, Su Hui and Wan Qing on friday the thirteenth. It was an enjoyable experience, quite so, though it got annoying in the later part to watch Adrian Pang spit water and whimper etc. I mean, yes he is supposed to do that, and yes, he can remember his lines amazingly, and yes, it is quite impressive that they got a guy willing to do things to this extent, but...
I don't like whiny guys?
*shrugs*
Anyhow, having a picnic and snacking while watching Macbeth out in the (stuffy) open was a great experience. I wouldn't mind watching another play... Perhaps the Crucible? ^^
Ah, and Joey told everyone about my blog address ._. And said too many things too complimentary of my writing style. Poetic? (uh... huh?? ._.) but anyway, by now, I have found her blog and Jolene's too, so maybe we are on par with each other. =D
And another random thing I remembered feeling about.
Wei En was sort of acknowledging me when he saw me on the way to the play. Peihua commented that it was sweet.
The other sec 2s... mainly just stared their eyes out at me.
While I do feel that it was very nice of him, as well as my own sec 1 cadets when they bob their heads or smile at me... I wonder if that will cease after we step down.
It is very heartwarming now...
I only wonder if these memories will come back to spite me after ROD.
I hope I am being overly pessimistic.
Saturday, swimming with Shou Fong, Lucy, Chloe and Michele at SAFRA.
This is the first time I have been there, and with squadmates...
Damn self conscious. And for good reason, I think.
We actually only did two laps of proper swimming, one lap of freestyle and one lap of breastroke. Lucy didn't join in that because she wasn't good at swimming...
Chloe is damn fast. Her freestyle uh... 0_0
Afterwards it was more of having fun in the water. From the big pool we moved to the kids pool, and I had fun being splashed repeatedly by water jets there. Following that we went to the Jacuzzi, where we amused ourselves trying to block the bubbles.
Hm... My words aren't doing justice to the fun we had but oh well. ^^
On the way back, Michele and Chloe commented that I should hang out with them more often, I keep surprising them. It reminded me of how Joey commented while we were on the train on the way back from Macbeth that my face looks fierce, but it's just because people haven't seen the (did she say cute? 0_0 No, i have very bad memory) this side of me before.
I don't know.
Perhaps I only loosen up slightly during cca, so no one in class sees what I may be.
Perhaps I only loosen up away from the school setting, so I seem out of character.
I don't know, but I know that my facades have long fallen apart.
I am struggling to apply the personalities I had to the correct situations-
then again, it should be better to face everyone bearing your heart on your chest, no?
I don't know, I don't know.
But for now, I really thank my squadmates, and classmates, for the good time we had this weekend.
Really appreciate it.
Thank you.
A cringe that you will never see.
A sigh that you will never hear.
We are separated by distances of the mind,
"So close, yet so far".
Almost like Hattori and Kanna, it is destined to be this way.
No matter where we were separated,
up til where I was deluding myself,
when your replies ceased to be from the heart...
I wish you well,
I wish you happiness, bro.
Maybe one day, I will look back at this all,
smile at the past,
and shake my head at my childish thoughts.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011 10:10 PM
It's all in my mind.
You two- just want to make sure my bad impression of you stays forever, is it? -_-
Thing about it is, I don't think it is of any use.
When I put down one instance, another event, yet another occurance and even more examples... I try to neglect all these and treat you all equally during act,
you two have to prove me wrong,
have to just show me that either the thing on your shoulders is for decoration,
or that your EQ is zero.
For crying out loud.
Yes, like what Kristine says, it would be a sad situation if they are going to be judged for their actions into the first few months of their NP life. They still have a long way to go, and now their seniors...
Well, yes.
Yes, as their caring ICs, I guess we are supposed to go and smooth their ways back on track.
Otherwise, like Kristine says, they are just going to hate NP even more, have even more reason...
(like they even have reason luh.)
The thing is, I am not exactly jumping for joy about that. I don't know what my other ICs think, but seriously, I believe in responsibility for your word choice.
Yes, I have been wrong before, I have been too critical. I regret it. But while I know guilt, I wonder if they do. The same way.
To Kristine, it appears as if she would like to withhold judgement.
To me, I think my judgement is clear.
To me, you posted this knowing it's potential effects. Even if the effects exceeded the realms of what your mind imagined, you knew it would have the ability to spark something off.
You say that you don't want to hurt peoples' feelings, but by attracting attention/venting in this manner, it is precisely what you are doing, isn't it?
You know that they don't add up, don't you?
Or is it an excessive use of sarcasm?
You are surprised at the extent? I am not.
I am not surprised if they condemn you.
It is very hard not to.
Whatever you were trying to do, you should have considered the consequences.
If you didn't, reap the rewards.
If you did, here- face the music.
I don't think talking to you would matter anyway, since all the two of you do is happily hide behind the computer screen.
I don't think asking you point blank will get any results.
I don't think trying to change and correct your ideas will be fruitful.
Probably I am not doing what I should as an IC, but heck. Your attitudes, seriously.
Please, for goodness sake, prove to me that you are using your brain.
Either in your posts, else hurry up and find the privacy settings already.
AND set the privacy of all your posts to merely the two of you.
I am tired of your point of view.
I am tired of the things you put on facebook.
I am tired of your two facades.
Give me a break, seriously. Use this time to mature too- either become much more strong such that you can face all this with no outside help, or tone down.
Seriously, I am very judgemental. 我很会记仇。Even things that people don't think much of, I will still begrudge you over. Now that it's not in full scale, don't set me off.
Usual people don't have so much time to avoid my frustration,
squadmates being an exception, somehow. Because they are the only people as of now that I will overlook time and again, time and again, such that I ensure that I don't view them with bias for an extended period of time.
And you two, fortunately, are not my squadmates.
A bit saddened.
I was merely trying to impress upon them my disappointment.
Apparently it was too repetitive for you three, and that goes without saying the cadets.
I just wasted my breath for the second consecutive debrief.
You said that my ability to crap is good when we need to use more time.
I feel sort of dejected, since I wasn't trying to crap.
I know I am the most 啰嗦 amongst us four.
That is why I lived with crapping for one hour during ITC while you three went to fix flags, untie rope obs.
But still.
If I am repetitive, it is because I cannot find a better way of getting it across.
If I keep using the same word choice, it is likely because that is how I keep the words flowing.
If I am monotonous, it is either because I am forcibly making my tone calm, or just a presentation defect on my part.
If my volume is soft, ditto.
But worst thing about it is that it doesn't get have the effect I aimed for.
Damn fail.
Scary how critical I can be?
How harsh I am willing to be?
Well, I am sorry.
Because I have experienced too many times putting things down,
then people repeating it in my face and proving it to me that from the very start,
it would have done me well to have never gotten over it.
They can rot for eternity in my eyes-
I think I prefer that to getting over the effects of their shit and then receiving it in my face again.
Labels: Hotshots♥ /RVNP
Friday, May 6, 2011 7:58 PM
It's all in my mind.
How do you rank them?
How do you choose where to go?
Do you choose where your heart leads you?
Where your devotion lies?
Where people whom you care for are?
Of course, some things may be compulsory, may have to take priority over this because of its scale.
But besides that, how do you prioritise it?
If you promised to consider coming, did you consider coming or choose the easy way out?
Or is it just because the people organising it/attending it weren't the people closest to you in the squad, you don't go?
Or is it the cost? That it is not worth going?
34 hearts as one.
This is going to be printed on our squad tee.
But is it likely to happen? How many of you buy it because we expect everyone to wear it at the ROD function? How many to pacify us? How many who actually give a damn about buying a tee, a squad identity?
How many of you will buy the ring regardless of price, for its significance?
How many of you will feel that it is money wasted, even if we get it cheaper this time?
I am full aware that our squad is merely functional.
34 hearts as one,
not very likely.
That was why I suggested "34 squadmates as one" originally-
I am full aware that 34 is a big number to attempt to bond at all.
Now, with 32, it is not getting easier.
With 32 different priorities, different values, differing opinions, and nothing pulling us to a common goal.
All for one, one for all.
With reference to our cadet lives, we have achieved it.
But our hearts being one, and us being a united squad...
I wish.
I know we are too satisfied in our little cliques.
I know that even if we cross the little boundaries, we are still within our comfortable group of people.
I know that if we are put together to work, to spend time together, we won't die.
Some of us may suffocate, some of us may feel constricted- ill at ease.
That's why we don't stick with them.
But hey, they are all our squadmates.
Alright, fine.
Using today's example, even if we don't count most of the guys who may just throw themselves into a lion's den before going to KBOX with his female squadmates (even if they could in the very unlikely circumstance persuade other guys to suffer alongside them)...
How many of you didn't come because none of your clique did?
How many of you rather spent time with your class, your other friends?
How many of you promised to consider but didn't?
How many of you didn't come because it was too tedious?
Only you'd know.
Of course, I myself am not a saint.
I know that I did shudder for a moment when Yang Sheng may join us. The thought of singing in front of squadmates was already a bit freaky, but showing off my horrible vocals in front of guys-
And I know that part of me was unburdened when Foong Hui and Yang Sheng didn't come in the end.
Horrible of me, and I guess this undermines my right to make this post in the first place.
I sound like a hypocrite, don't I?
I'm sorry.
But I just have to make this post, because I got a shock from how few the people waiting in front of NP room was.
Because in the end, I did open up to part of squadmates a side they haven't seen.
It doesn't make me any better,
but still.
This made me wonder.
How many people will be sighing a breath of relief when ROD arrives?
So that the balancing act will finally be unburdened from their shoulders?
Hotshots will fade into a distant memory, won't it?
Save the pink shirt which will be buried in a corner of your wardrobe, perhaps.
Labels: Hotshots♥ /RVNP
Tuesday, May 3, 2011 9:08 PM
It's all in my mind.
He basically told me that I was scary.
No matter how he tried to rephrase that, it came out wrong to him.
After all, it kept revolving around the word "scary". ^^
Following a grimace on my part and my looking away, he might have tried to reverse the effect by saying that I looked better smiling. I half smiled, not looking at him, at most at Hui Li.
Of course, it was distracting that Marvin's eyes flicked from Hui Li to me, and back and forth. -_- He being Hui Li's friend, I think he should have settled his eyes on her reaction instead.
I wonder if Marvin thought he had offended me.
No, I was surprised to have a guy tell me that- he is the first one.
But then, I am not offended.
This shell, these expressions, this sarcasm... It is extended to most guys, most acquaintances. Juniors, and people who annoy me.
He just proved that it works.
I wonder though, sometimes- Too effectively?
So effectively, that when I put it down, people tell me that I am out of character?
That aside, however.
I realise that the three of us sitting together at history class,
with the one with a screw loose (Marvin) and the one out of control (Hui Li), and the sadistic one who loves seeing them laugh at all the weird comments...
It is quite enjoyable.
Sorry to the other three groupmates who were like ._. watching us...?
And later during the day...
I am told that I don't have (we don't have) NCO form and 风。
Command sec1s command until... -_- make them become so slack.
Then scold them that time... scold until so nice.
... I thought I was the one who will scream their heads off?
Okay, but good point.
My will is not powerful enough though. I should work on that.
Like Sir said... It's already May.
We are stepping down soon.
... And they are stepping over our heads- or on their way there.
Seriously, their standard...
Ironically as it sounds, their standard dropped.
They are not making an effort to do much better.
At this rate, they can just do sedia, senangdiri, kekenan-lurus, static and keluar-baris until ROD luh. -_-
I tried to appeal to their feelings during debrief, but... I get the feeling that they won't care, or would just forget. -_-
Prove me wrong, Sec1s. Prove me wrong, for once.
........ I shook like a leaf during Muster parade. Shit. And it's too much to hope that the cadets missed that.
Damn.
Please give me control over my muscles come Friday. Please don't let me screw up the parade.
Labels: Hotshots♥ /RVNP
Sunday, May 1, 2011 12:51 AM
It's all in my mind.
I was going to post this on Friday, but my internet was down. But I'm not over it yet, so here goes.
I don't see that you have the right to decide this on the behalf of Hotshots. I don't care if you two decide without discussion about our unit.
As cca leaders, it is in your full right to.
But what kind of shit is this- following the hierarchy indeed!
What the hell, it is only an inanimate object which does not even reflect standard. It doesn't show whose standard is higher, just a mere tool to make sure things run smoothly in the system, and you two are following it like your lives depend on it?
I'm going to be very harsh now and say this, something very uncalled for, but what you make me feel: Is it because you like being at the top?
Contingent IC of the NCO squad.
It should be someone whom we have a right to know about and discuss/suggest beforehand. Not, for god's sake, so secretive it's only known to the vast majority during parade rehearsal then!
You are doing exactly what you did for ROD, deciding internally, leaving no choice for the rest of us.
Do you view us as your squadmates? Your equals?
Oh wait, but of course not!
Though in the context of Peihao's tone in his previous message (to which I felt he actually sounded closer to us than usual), you said "no need to be so democratic lah!"- if this is the attitude regarding our squad,
IT FREAKING EXPLAINS.
I'm tired of you switching between attitudes with such speed. This is at least my second post saying this.
I get the annoying feeling that when you stand before us in a parade, we suddenly are nothing but numbers,
people.
Equal with the cadets, rather than squadmates.
I GET THE FEELING THAT ALL BUT THE CONTINGENT ICS ARE LIKE NOTHING TO YOU.
And though I am one, I hate that.
You make me feel over and over again that I should have thrown myself over a building rather than voting for both of you, then.
Hierarchy, hierarchy, hierarchy.
And who, for goodness sake, put you at the top?
Being up there suggests that you were TRUSTED to lead properly.
I'm sorry, but as cca leaders, both of you leave much to be desired. I shall most confidently say that I've lost two squadmates when I gained two cca leaders. The times you make me feel like you are still one of us... I think can be counted by two hands at most.
DIFFERENT AUDIENCE, DIFFERENT ATTITUDES FOR GOODNESS SAKE.
I don't care if I'm not empathizing with the hardship of your roles.
Because you two have pissed me off enough for me to overlook all of that.
I think about the question I asked the two of you during NPAP.
Whether you wanted to be cca leader.
Both of you said okay, if you got the job then do lor. But within the next few months, you two just proceeded to climb another step: CC.
I theorise that if your heart was wholly in NP, you'd stay where you were, knowing that you only had 24 hours a day.
Did it make sense to take the next most alluring deal?
Did you even consider what you wanted, or just continue climbing the ladder upwards?
You know why I'm so pissed off?
Because being at the top doesn't give you a right to represent Hotshots. In our squad, we're equals. As NCOs, we have different roles. You can't be "higher up" than your squadmates.
When I was venting to HL, she frowned and disagreed with me about using the hierarchy for the function of the parade. For NCC, apparently, everything is by the hierarchy.
Well then. I must then say that their platoon-mates must not be very important to them, the competitive spirit getting the better of them.
Don't mix it up. This is NP.
All for one, one for all.
Also because you are defying my every expectation of your roles.
When I saw Staff Jingyi commanding away Sir Qinhui's batch, I swore I'd never be the one to do that.
Commanding the seniors.
And I never volunteer to do bersurai. Not that I remember (last year or so). Because given a choice, I will not command my squadmates.
Bersurai, I will do alongside them, not watch them.
Though this may not be the ideal reaction, because of voluntarism or whatever,
your difference in values regarding squadmates and NP irks me.
Don't ask me "then who do you want to be contingent IC?",
because that's not the point.
MY ISSUE IS THAT YOU DIDN'T CARE TO KNOW THAT BEFORE DECIDING AND ASKING HER.
My issue is that you didn't give us a choice.
Similarly, don't ask "then who you want to have been cca leader"?,
because there is no such thing as ceteris peribus,
and time cannot reverse.
Our hearts change.
It won't be fair to say that someone else would have done a better job,
but once again, the goal-oriented and people-oriented difference.
The difference to me that goal-oriented makes the work process shorter at times, and you complete what you are out to do. If you do it well, people will respect you for your success.
People oriented, we will love you and accept you, with no dispute, as someone who leads us, represents us. If you screw up somewhere, they'll give you a hand, they'll help you up, they'll give you a chance.
You choose for yourself who you want to be.
Come ROD, 50th anniversary, I await your decision-making.
Both of you.
Labels: Deep Emotions, Hotshots♥ /RVNP
