The void sucks me in.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015 2:44 PM

It's all in my mind.

Dreams that remain dreams.

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015 12:14 PM

It's all in my mind.

My person has solidified around you, and I know not how to change.
If not a facade but a dimension of me based on my surrounding factors, I can only say that I have since hardened into that mould.
Circumstances changing might not be enough to liberate me.

And how it is easier being negative rose to the foreground.

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

Sunday, July 19, 2015 1:11 AM

It's all in my mind.

我也累了。你不累吗？
累不在必须赶完的工，而在承担的责任。
不仅是责任，而是自己所感觉出的疲惫。
朋友们的疲惫，但是还必须叫他们跟我一起拼。
这路一个人走不了，但我们没有能耽误的时间。
是要我一个人走吗？
明明知道我没那么能干。
明明知道我没那么坚强。
是要放弃，让我一个人走吗？
我也累了。

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

Thursday, July 16, 2015 4:02 PM

It's all in my mind.

"You hit me with everything you had, so I decided I could trust you with everything I had!" - Kono Yuuki

"Lately, I finally think I understand what he was saying. Life isn't just about doing things for yourself. It's possible to live in such a way that other people's happiness makes you happy too. I want to live in a way that makes all the people around me happy. I want to live in a way that lets me support those around me when they get tired. And for that, I want to keep doing my best with my studies and other things in school that I love!" - Asuna

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

3:38 PM

It's all in my mind.

Yuuki: "God does not give us more suffering than we can bear." But I was always a bit dissatisfied with that. I always wanted to hear her words, not the Bible's. But seeing this house again, I understand. It wasn't the words itself. Mum was surrounding me with her feelings. She was always praying, so that I could keep moving forward until the end. I finally understand that.

Asuna: I haven't been able to hear my mother's voice in a long time either. Even when I see her face and talk to her, I can't hear her voice. And she doesn't hear what I'm saying. Yuuki, you were saying before that there are things you can only share by fighting. How can I be strong like you?

Yuuki: I'm not strong... not at all.

Asuna: That's not true! You don't get scared by, or flinch at, what other people feel like I do. You don't ever do that. You seem so natural.

Yuuki: But you know, when I was in the real world, I was always pretending to be someone I wasn't. I always thought I had to act cheerful, so Mum and Dad wouldn't be sad. But I think it's fine to act. If that means you spend more time smiling, it's just fine. I don't have much time left, you know. It feels like I don't have time to waste on stuff. I always say exactly what I'm feeling, and if they don't like me, that's fine! It doesn't change the fact that I was close to their hearts.

Asuna: That's right. That was the reason we got so close in only a few days.

Yuuki: No, that wasn't me. It was because, even when I ran, you tried your hardest to catch me.

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

Saturday, July 11, 2015 3:45 PM

It's all in my mind.

Imagine my surprise when I woke up and saw Happy Anniversary... from this bunch.

Down to the specific date. I have never been someone conscientious about dates, but now 11 July holds meaning.

That dismay I felt last year and the panic I felt when I knew that I wouldn't be able to plan my sister's birthday I cannot have felt a better tradeoff than this.

I really don't like the phrase "we have come full circle". After the last time we said it full circle meant for me that we go back to the start, and end like it never begun. With this bunch however, I think I need never have worried. The cycles that are the 365 days a year will continue turning.

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

Thursday, July 9, 2015 11:35 PM

It's all in my mind.

Once more, disillusioned at the possibility of change.
How can those parallels be drawn and she not realise?
How can she keep saying all those words, thus empty?
It elicits such a strong repulsion from me- and I just flat out reject it, once again.
I wonder why I even thought it possible to make peace when I hear that sentiment.
There is no change, no adapting, no compromise.

Yet Pips reaction is to acknowledge that she should try to help accept, heal, reassure.
Her intent alone is already leagues ahead of mine- something that I have not the graciousness to do.

It brings to mind the manga Assassination Classroom.

They don't shrink away from themes of parenting. They eventually also balance it out, the way the child responds to this.

To the parents projecting what they wanted for themselves for their children and guilt tripping them.

To the children who will go to all lengths to get the limited approval from their family.

And how they move beyond the shadows that their parents have cast.

How the teachers and outsiders can contribute is left ambiguous- but the darkness is acknowledged, and that's reassuring in itself.

It is as what Arun had said, wasn't it?
That the resolutions we made when we headed home... when we return, we once again realise why it was so hard before.
Is it even worth fighting for?

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015 11:14 PM

It's all in my mind.

Sinon: "How can he stay calm in a situation like this? No, it isn't that he's calm... He's just giving it all he has. He's continually chosen to fight with all his strength instead of making excuses. That's the source of his strength."

Kirito: "You are wrong. Nobody dies alone. When someone dies, the part of them that lives inside someone else also dies."

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

Thursday, July 2, 2015 12:51 AM

It's all in my mind.

Things that probably need to be said that are not said.
If on the off chance, we are actually on the same tangent, we are missing each other.
Guesswork.
If there is subtext it is flying right over my head.
But then again, I might think too much.

Comforting.
But soon it will cease, by my own hand.
I'm a master at that, at least.

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

~ Profile ~

Tan Jing Yee
River Valley High School
RVNP HotShots! (sec1'08)
~~Shuqun Primary School~~
28 July

~ some quotes ~

♥ But I think... I want to live with all my memories. Even if they're bad memories. Even if they're memories that only hurt me... that I'd rather forget. If I keep them and keep trying, without running away, then someday I'll be strong enough that those memories can't defeat me. I believe that because I want to think that there's no such thing as a memory that's ok to forget.

♥ Pain, suffering. It's pointless to just think about those things. The traveler (referring to "The Most Foolish Traveler" by Natsuki Takaya) didn't. That may be stupid to some people but that's not stupid to me. Yuki... Kyo... when you close your eyes, what do you think?

♥ Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away... despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner hope will return to you. Again and again.

♥ Someday... no matter how cold it is now... the snow will melt. Without fail.

♥ For there to be pain, there has to be kindness. For darkness to stand out, there has to be the sun.

♥ Maybe I'm not perfect. Maybe I have a long way to go. But someday... someday I'll be able to stand and walk on my own. Without hurting anyone... and without being a burden.

♥ We're all born with selfish desires so we can relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is created individually by each person... So it's easy to misunderstand when someone is trying to be kind to you... But, Tohru, people's differences are something to celebrate.

♥ "And if when everything ends, nothing is left in my hands...that's alright."

♥ Mingling with people, hurting them, getting hurt by them. That's how you learn about people and about yourself. If you don't, you'll never care about anyone but yourself.

♥ I want to be the only one... who can help the one I care about.

♥ "I wish I could have lived... In a kind world. Without anxiety. Without fear. Without hurting other people. Without being hurt myself. Only doing the right things. I wish I could have followed... The shortest path... To the kind world I wish for. I wish... I could have lived my life... Without making any wrong turns. But that is impossible. A path like that doesn't exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time... we push forward. It's all we can do. On our own two feet. Even if we get a little banged up. Someday, we'll reach something. We'll reach someone. We pray."

♥ "Crowds used to make me wonder. How many people would notice if I disappeared? I used to mull over that kind of thing constantly... once upon a time. But now... I'm a little different. It's not like that. It doesn't have to be... A lot of people. Even if it's just one person. That's enough. Having one person... is an incredible thing. Because then... It can't be zero. I was happy. I was happy then, too. I was so happy, it tickled. In the midst of all those people... She singled me out... and found me. And it's the same thing now. Having someone other than yourself... thinking of you. Looking... for you. You can't take that for granted. It's a miraculous and blessed thing."

♥ "... please don't cry anymore. I know that happy things... and fun things.. eventually come to an end. But things that are scary and sad... come to an end too. They always do. Even if you can't always believe that... please don't give up. Live. I want you to live. Even if you make a mistake, even if you take the long way, it's still okay... Just please... please live. Don't give up on pushing forward. Please. At least don't give up on that. Even if I'm not... by your side."

♥ Often times in memory, we have the tendency to overly romanticize the people we care about.

♥ Humans may be fragile creatures, but they're not weak to the extent to being crushed by their painful memories even after they meet with something unfortunate. We're far more resilient that that. Everything will be alright.

♥ "Don't worry, Kanade. What a person has actually gone through is unexpectedly different from what he remembers. Even though that gap may leave him feeling sad sometimes... Even the most vivdly clear memory... will change with time eventually."

♥ "Humans are amazing. Even though they may not see something physically... They'll still sense it. Everything else is the same. If you work hard, others will know that you work hard. If you don't work hard, others will know that you don't work hard."

♥ "Someday... You'll find someone who'll know all your good and bad points... And who'll still love you all the same."

♥ If... There was ever a Land of the Blindfolded, will the people of that land... Understand what it's like to have your blindfold come undone? Even if... Most people will never understand us... There might just be... Someone who can do that. It isn't easy to understand people's feelings... But that doesn't mean... That you're alone.

♥ It is not violence that best overcomes hate — nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.

♥ The real courage is living and suffering for what you believe.

♥ “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

♥ Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all pity those who live without love.

♥ 每一段记忆，都有一个密码。只要时间，地点，人物组合正确，无论尘封多久，那人那景都将在遗忘中重新拾起。你也许会说“不是都过去了吗？”其实过去的只是时间，你依然逃不出，想起了就微笑或悲伤的宿命，那种宿命本叫“无能为力”。

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