By that logic, we should all endure. But at what point are we forced to the end of our resolve? What when we are pushed off the edge with enduring? Most importantly, why should we stay and endure all the rubbish dumped unceremoniously on us?
I answer myself with what may be the most common answer. Endure, for things will get better. Endure, because once you cross an invisible line in time, understanding will dawn, you'll see the light.
Yeah right. I'm not convinced. Not for this.
Still, my fate with the word isn't due to end. Not just yet. And endure I shall, just to prove myself strong enough.
Whatever am I good for besides?
"We were born to strive and endure—you as well as I: do so."
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Sunday, March 25, 2012 10:22 AM
It's all in my mind.
How ironic this.
I cannot fall, for that'll mean you defeated me. That I fail.
How ironic that to win, I ought hang around for more crap.
Tempting.
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Thursday, March 15, 2012 10:09 PM
It's all in my mind.
这次… 是我的错。damn it.
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Wednesday, March 14, 2012 12:20 AM
It's all in my mind.
When was it that I began to realise that my memory really doesn't serve me properly?
When I think about it, I start to worry. Because if I don't have the memory preserved in some form or another, time will take its toll.
Really. I remember the squad lunch or squad dinners, when we talked about the good old times. Then... When I realise that I don't remember. What comes naturally to some of my squadmates... I don't recall anymore.
And that scares me. It really does. Because I know that those are memories that I'd hope to retain in my head... But they haven't.
And I have memories that I don't want to forget.
I'm not sure whether to call my url ironic. Is it? I'd created it thus because my mind was overflowing with memories that I'd wanted to forget.
Glaedr said that he hates spells that mess with memory. I guess that makes time the spell I detest most?
Or I should really just blame the sieve that resides in my attic.
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Monday, March 12, 2012 3:26 PM
It's all in my mind.
The imagery of the moth being drawn to the flame... It's incredibly apt. Leaning towards the warmth, attracted to the light...
The pretty flicker, the comfortable temperature! It's hard to hold one's own, and keep clear.
One can only hope that the moth's temptation doesn't destroy it... That the moth won't be burnt to a crisp. That the moth's fluttering wings won't unintentionally extinguish that which is held dear.
Yet if the moth is consumed by that pretty flame... Would the flame look beautiful enough to leave the moth no regrets, even in its last moments?
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Monday, March 5, 2012 6:36 PM
It's all in my mind.
La Maison En Petits Cubes.
We watched this during one of the PW lessons, and were asked to think about (then substantiate) what the video was trying to tell us. Then present a little as a group.
不知道为什么，但是我当时对这短片有很多的感触。
The water level rising made me feel that change is really a constant. We always have to make do with the change, even if there will be much that we have to leave behind...
Then the pipe.
When you first have something you are unwilling to leave behind, you start to find your way to all you had before.
It doesn't really make sense when I phrase it this way- but if the man gave up on the pipe, would he have uncovered so many memories, those that do not rise to the surface of his thoughts?
As Junwei helped to rephrase, then- in the video, this process was physical, but for us, it may be something intangible like memories.
Then... I was actually expecting the guy to run out of oxygen as he stayed at the bottom. Or, somehow, in the mood that I got woven in (it may just be me) I thought he would stay at the bottom.
He didn't.
So... It made me think that despite everything, the past is the past, and we still all have to return to the present. Happy the past may be, we need to return to the present. Even if in the present, there isn't anyone waiting for us.
We need to have the strength to return, because beautiful or tempting the past is, our place is in the present.
We don't necessarily return to emptiness though. The past is in our hearts and it can always be... The light that keeps us strong enough to live on...
This isn't coherent. -.-
But either way, those were thoughts that drifted into my mind as I watched or after I thought about the video.
... Imagine my expression when many people agreed before their presentation that the message was on greenhouse effect. That everything else was just to make us feel for the frightening prospect of what we are doing to Earth.
Okay, not that it isn't possible, but the contrast made me 0.0
And imagine how taken aback I was when I realised that this video shows us, according to my teacher, an essential part about brainstorming. o_o apparently, looking at the roofs of the houses, we're supposed to remember not to doom our topic by bringing it to a conclusion (the pointy roof) quickly but rather leave space for more ideas to develop- like how the houses with flat roofs can always allow for the building of more levels. Or something. ._.
I'm not sure, but is something wrong with my head? ^^
是我们不够努力吗？ Or just that there are people we care more for, or need to prioritize over others? ... Not that it's a wrong thing, but I can't help but feel chagrined. ^^
叹。我这个笨蛋又是在这里想太多。
12:18 AM
It's all in my mind.
I was telling my dad about the various scenes in the hall, the few people whose results we went to kaypo or ask after. Few they were indeed, so I really can remember them all-
I keep thinking about the where Lucy and I went to Sgt Shannon though.
Perhaps because she wasn't our IC, that her responding warmly to us struck me particularly?
... In a sense, it's true, isn't it? My first reaction was that it was such a great pity- Sgt Shannon is such a sweet person. ^^ But it really is true, isn't it? NCO'09, and NCO'08 before them... and each and every acquaintance of ours in general.
Time passes us by, people pass us by similarly. As we advance to the next year, we make new friends... and we leave some people behind. Isn't it a great pity? 不亲，又如何？不一样有共同的记忆？
And really, if we don't say what we want to to even an average friend, we may never get to say it.
The more I speak to my dad about it, the more it bothers me. Childish it is, but can't I choose not to meet more people and just retain all I have met til now? I really do believe I don't need more-
All the people I could ever hope to meet, I have met.
~ Profile ~
Tan Jing Yee
River Valley High School
RVNP HotShots! (sec1'08) Shuqun Primary School
28 July
~ some quotes ~
♥ But I think... I want to live with all my memories. Even if they're bad memories. Even if they're memories that only hurt me... that I'd rather forget. If I keep them and keep trying, without running away, then someday I'll be strong enough that those memories can't defeat me. I believe that because I want to think that there's no such thing as a memory that's ok to forget.
♥ Pain, suffering. It's pointless to just think about those things. The traveler (referring to "The Most Foolish Traveler" by Natsuki Takaya) didn't. That may be stupid to some people but that's not stupid to me. Yuki... Kyo... when you close your eyes, what do you think?
♥ Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away... despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner hope will return to you. Again and again.
♥ Someday... no matter how cold it is now... the snow will melt. Without fail.
♥ For there to be pain, there has to be kindness. For darkness to stand out, there has to be the sun.
♥ Maybe I'm not perfect. Maybe I have a long way to go. But someday... someday I'll be able to stand and walk on my own. Without hurting anyone... and without being a burden.
♥ We're all born with selfish desires so we can relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is created individually by each person... So it's easy to misunderstand when someone is trying to be kind to you... But, Tohru, people's differences are something to celebrate.
♥ "And if when everything ends, nothing is left in my hands...that's alright."
♥ Mingling with people, hurting them, getting hurt by them. That's how you learn about people and about yourself. If you don't, you'll never care about anyone but yourself.
♥ I want to be the only one... who can help the one I care about.
♥ "I wish I could have lived... In a kind world. Without anxiety. Without fear. Without hurting other people. Without being hurt myself. Only doing the right things. I wish I could have followed... The shortest path... To the kind world I wish for.
I wish... I could have lived my life... Without making any wrong turns. But that is impossible. A path like that doesn't exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time... we push forward. It's all we can do. On our own two feet. Even if we get a little banged up. Someday, we'll reach something. We'll reach someone. We pray."
♥ "Crowds used to make me wonder. How many people would notice if I disappeared? I used to mull over that kind of thing constantly... once upon a time. But now... I'm a little different. It's not like that. It doesn't have to be... A lot of people. Even if it's just one person. That's enough. Having one person... is an incredible thing. Because then... It can't be zero. I was happy. I was happy then, too. I was so happy, it tickled. In the midst of all those people... She singled me out... and found me. And it's the same thing now. Having someone other than yourself... thinking of you. Looking... for you. You can't take that for granted. It's a miraculous and blessed thing."
♥ "... please don't cry anymore. I know that happy things... and fun things.. eventually come to an end. But things that are scary and sad... come to an end too. They always do. Even if you can't always believe that... please don't give up. Live. I want you to live. Even if you make a mistake, even if you take the long way, it's still okay... Just please... please live. Don't give up on pushing forward. Please. At least don't give up on that. Even if I'm not... by your side."
♥ Often times in memory, we have the tendency to overly romanticize the people we care about.
♥ Humans may be fragile creatures, but they're not weak to the extent to being crushed by their painful memories even after they meet with something unfortunate. We're far more resilient that that. Everything will be alright.
♥ "Don't worry, Kanade. What a person has actually gone through is unexpectedly different from what he remembers. Even though that gap may leave him feeling sad sometimes... Even the most vivdly clear memory... will change with time eventually."
♥ "Humans are amazing. Even though they may not see something physically... They'll still sense it. Everything else is the same. If you work hard, others will know that you work hard. If you don't work hard, others will know that you don't work hard."
♥ "Someday... You'll find someone who'll know all your good and bad points... And who'll still love you all the same."
♥ If... There was ever a Land of the Blindfolded, will the people of that land... Understand what it's like to have your blindfold come undone? Even if... Most people will never understand us... There might just be... Someone who can do that. It isn't easy to understand people's feelings... But that doesn't mean... That you're alone.
♥ It is not violence that best overcomes hate — nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.
♥ The real courage is living and suffering for what you believe.
♥ “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”
♥ Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all pity those who live without love.
