I noticed that I still owe a post on unit chalet... Indeed, I'd put off thinking for some time.

7 to 9 November, unit chalet. From just about the beginning of time when we were asked, I'd decided to go.
Afterwards, things started coming up.
I realised with horror that our OP may just clash with unit chalet.
After that was cleared, (fortune smiled on me- my group was, albeit the last group, on the first day- 5th)
there was still 5N chalet to balance.
On one hand, the idea of bonding with my class (for once) appealed greatly to me.
On the other hand, my squadmates- and the Ninja squad.
And I'd said I was going to unit chalet.
I left 5N chalet in full swing, off alone into the darkness expected of 10.30pm.

I was greatly obliged to Amanda, Chloe and Freda who fetched me from the bus stop.
Though... the first things I heard were not altogether positive.
Yet somehow, I didn't feel as scandalised as I probably should have.
Of course I disapprove.

Come to think of it, it reminds me of the times when my squadmates took squad. The sec2 ICs... More particularly, the sec3 ICs. There were times when I watched their cadets drill, or helped take PT... At first, we saw eye to eye when poor standard came about. After some time, however, that changed.
We who watched tried to convince those who took their squad that they were being too soft, too nice, or that the cadets should be scolded on such and such behaviour.
They heard us.
But I suppose that softening was always inevitable.

... In a way, it seems to prove the point that people we care about get away with more things.
We give them a lot more leeway.

You could run from someone you feared, you could try to fight someone you hated. When you loved the one who was killing you, it left you no options. How could you run, how could you fight, when doing so would hurt that beloved one? If your life was all you had to give your beloved, how could you not give it?If it was someone you truly loved?

Suppose you ran a dagger through my heart, after the first wave of shock and betrayal... I would close my eyes- and with my last breath, forgive you. 

But I digress.

After chatting quite a lot about OP with my squadmates (not to mention slipping right off the edge of the bed) I ventured into the wrong apartment while looking for the ninja squad. Though- I rather wondered why no one in MMS asked me what on earth I was doing there.

If I had to give one word to describe that scene I walked into, it'd be chaos.

And yet... It was some sort of lively, positive chaos, as they gathered in a heap before the TV, awaiting the start of the horror movie.
The happy energy generated, all the barriers broken down... Though they had Jovi in their midst.

Perhaps I should seek to clarify myself on my expression, but that would be a bit later.

People like to flock to happy people, I'm sure, so it was a bit tempting as Jovi sort-of invited me to watch the movie with them.
But I didn't belong there. ^^

In the morning after a shower and Chloe's I&R, we headed to White Sands where we positively stuffed ourselves with sushi in a bid to beat squadmates' record of four people downing 43 plates. (now, whoever's bright idea was that? -.-) The perfect illustration of the law of diminishing marginal utility. At the start I was looking forward to plates upon plates of sushi. By the end of it I had zero units of satisfaction, while Freda had negative. I have to applaud Amanda for having two or three units of satisfaction left. -___- Next time we're doing this, Xing Yao's stomach would make the guest list instead.

After some rounds of cards and being visited with a nice gift of an entire tub of ice cream from the ninja squad, I went to their apartment.

I entered and startled Samantha, who was just telling her squadmates that I was coming.
As I settled down on the ground, all of them sat down in a great circle with me.

Now-
I found myself envying Jovi to a degree.
He was one of them. He actually belonged in MMS, instead of hovering over them.
Instead of being doomed to watch over them, he was part of them. I'm sure there would be negligible barriers if any of his cadets wanted to approach him.
I can never imagine myself being hyper and mad with my cadets, laughing and poking fun at them. Therefore I feel fortunate that even though a significant span of time has passed, they still will listen to me-
I'm not sure if "respect" too strong a word to claim.

The barrier would doubtlessly be there. And I suppose that every moment that I am, unfortunately, formal to them, it would stay there.
But formal is the only way I know how to interact.

I know I wanted to talk to them again, the ninja squad, since a very long time ago.
Now they have met their last batch of NCOs.
Time has really, really passed.

What had I wanted to say?
Somehow, as the fourteen- fourteen?- of them gathered about me, I forgot.
The reference to that particular issue that time... I didn't mention in the end.
I just forgot to scold.

Wouldn't, or couldn't?

What did I say?
Until then did I know for sure that the skill of sustaining monologues- that skill that being an IC inevitably left everyone- definitely hadn't deserted me.

As I continued speaking, I realised gradually that my voice was getting thick.
There was a real possibility of tears running down my face, though the exact cause I couldn't pinpoint.

I think it was a mixture of reminiscing my time in RVNP, a pressing hope to let them feel the same need to stay... as well as the effect of finally being surrounded by their familiar faces once more.
The freedom to address them that I have not indulged in for too long a time.

I was fortunate enough not to be alone in my emotions.
Somehow, I saw the redness reflected in some of their eyes as well.

The topics were steered into some other neutral little things- ATC, Area 17, unit chalet...
Unfortunately I don't sustain small talk very well. I lack that engaging manner, and forgot any interesting anecdotes that I could share with them.
That ought to be Junianti's forte.

If I had to rate myself on that meeting with the ninja squad, by the time I left at least... I wouldn't have given myself very high marks.
But if they were serious in the explanation they gave on the question I raised regarding the squad tee-
I must say,
I am very much obliged to you.

Over one and a half years since I first took them.
They have changed.
They have grown.
I wish I could have been around to track the process,
The physical height difference,
The certain improvement in standard,
and for some, how their radiant faces learnt to harden into the serious or thoughtful states I found them in.

Still, fate didn't decreed it thus.
The past is past.
Instead I shall hope that the next time we gather we can still talk, and I wouldn't be a bother to you all.

Heaven forbid.

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