The void sucks me in.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011 10:48 PM

It's all in my mind.

Wanted to post this alongside the previous post, but my mother had stolen the internet connection. -__-

Disclaimer: This is going to be an optimistic post. I dunno whether this means my heart is in the wrong place, but yeah.

This ROD I had thought would make me cry.

How the debriefs with the sec1s and their attitudes, what seems like eons ago, nearly had me the right mood- this mood, if brought into the function from weeks ago would more likely than not have made me cry.

With the sec3s video, it definitely would have been the required spark amidst a pool of kerosene.

Somehow, it didn't. Perhaps because there wasn't a speech, much less mention the words "moving to the point of tears".

Credits though, to the sec3s. The video very nearly achieved the right effect. I don't know why the sec3s thought of including our CI-IC pics, but they did, and the impact hit. (I can't speak for any but myself but it did for me at least.)

Veryyy nearly got the right effect.

Regarding the parting and drifting of squadmates, perhaps I've worried about it on numerous other occasions such that the impact is not large.

The other thing is that... We're all able to be with each other. Still.

Harder to, then, but still. If people made the effort, we'd be together again.

I believe that we'll be together again.

From our ICs too... For me, I only absorbed the encouraging, reminiscent tone. The mood of doomsday wasn't there. It was of treasuring memories, how we were before, how much we'd grown. Lacking in how we were going to lose it all.

Maybe because we weren't going to lose it all.

Or perhaps I just selectively chose not to make the link.

Perhaps I am such a fail lit student that I can't hear between the lines.

When my squadmates were tearing, when they were overflowing with emotions, my mood was nowhere near.

To me, those were good memories.

The knowledge that they care and will still be there for us... Was heartening but lacked one or two elements which would have thrown me into a stream of tears.

Okay, maybe I am just heartless. Or too high. *shrugs helplessly*

But I know one thing: This ROD, I am proud of Hotshots and pleased with Superlatives.

The POP first. I was sort of dreading it, because we hadn't had drill since... forever. During cadetship, I am quite certain our drill managed to make our various ICs ._____. or 0____0. And the last time we did, the time after muster parade, it wasn't impressive either.

Yet this POP... once the rehearsal started... *inhales deeply*

Okay, our marching might not have been perfectly coordinated. If you were to scrutinise details, there was definitely room for improvement. As in, no one is perfect. And I'm not going to claim that we are perfect.

But both rehearsals plus the actual were great! (uh but I think the first rehearsal was better than the actual somehow -.-)

To me, at least.

Each solid bang was a surge of enthusiasm.

When it was over, I was certain that we at least put in a decent NCO squad drill, and that the entire Hotshots had put in effort.

That feeling was amazing.

The dance.

The fact that the sec3s played the song from the MV rather than the 各中强手we had (and we realised the difference too late) was a bit -____- , but we lived.

After the POP, I don't doubt that everyone did the best of their ability to make it look nice.

(No mirror to see how we looked, but *spammage of faith*)

RVNP cheer. Just listening to Pei Hao's voice crack during the bersurai gives an idea, no?

Hotshots was worth the faith, from the start to the end, I think.

The journey may not have been smooth for those who believed in us or wanted to believe in us, but we made it. We made it as Hotshots, RVNP 2008 - 2011.

And our hearts will continue beating. ^^

Labels: Hotshots♥ /RVNP

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

~ Profile ~

Tan Jing Yee
River Valley High School
RVNP HotShots! (sec1'08)
~~Shuqun Primary School~~
28 July

~ some quotes ~

♥ But I think... I want to live with all my memories. Even if they're bad memories. Even if they're memories that only hurt me... that I'd rather forget. If I keep them and keep trying, without running away, then someday I'll be strong enough that those memories can't defeat me. I believe that because I want to think that there's no such thing as a memory that's ok to forget.

♥ Pain, suffering. It's pointless to just think about those things. The traveler (referring to "The Most Foolish Traveler" by Natsuki Takaya) didn't. That may be stupid to some people but that's not stupid to me. Yuki... Kyo... when you close your eyes, what do you think?

♥ Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away... despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner hope will return to you. Again and again.

♥ Someday... no matter how cold it is now... the snow will melt. Without fail.

♥ For there to be pain, there has to be kindness. For darkness to stand out, there has to be the sun.

♥ Maybe I'm not perfect. Maybe I have a long way to go. But someday... someday I'll be able to stand and walk on my own. Without hurting anyone... and without being a burden.

♥ We're all born with selfish desires so we can relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is created individually by each person... So it's easy to misunderstand when someone is trying to be kind to you... But, Tohru, people's differences are something to celebrate.

♥ "And if when everything ends, nothing is left in my hands...that's alright."

♥ Mingling with people, hurting them, getting hurt by them. That's how you learn about people and about yourself. If you don't, you'll never care about anyone but yourself.

♥ I want to be the only one... who can help the one I care about.

♥ "I wish I could have lived... In a kind world. Without anxiety. Without fear. Without hurting other people. Without being hurt myself. Only doing the right things. I wish I could have followed... The shortest path... To the kind world I wish for. I wish... I could have lived my life... Without making any wrong turns. But that is impossible. A path like that doesn't exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time... we push forward. It's all we can do. On our own two feet. Even if we get a little banged up. Someday, we'll reach something. We'll reach someone. We pray."

♥ "Crowds used to make me wonder. How many people would notice if I disappeared? I used to mull over that kind of thing constantly... once upon a time. But now... I'm a little different. It's not like that. It doesn't have to be... A lot of people. Even if it's just one person. That's enough. Having one person... is an incredible thing. Because then... It can't be zero. I was happy. I was happy then, too. I was so happy, it tickled. In the midst of all those people... She singled me out... and found me. And it's the same thing now. Having someone other than yourself... thinking of you. Looking... for you. You can't take that for granted. It's a miraculous and blessed thing."

♥ "... please don't cry anymore. I know that happy things... and fun things.. eventually come to an end. But things that are scary and sad... come to an end too. They always do. Even if you can't always believe that... please don't give up. Live. I want you to live. Even if you make a mistake, even if you take the long way, it's still okay... Just please... please live. Don't give up on pushing forward. Please. At least don't give up on that. Even if I'm not... by your side."

♥ Often times in memory, we have the tendency to overly romanticize the people we care about.

♥ Humans may be fragile creatures, but they're not weak to the extent to being crushed by their painful memories even after they meet with something unfortunate. We're far more resilient that that. Everything will be alright.

♥ "Don't worry, Kanade. What a person has actually gone through is unexpectedly different from what he remembers. Even though that gap may leave him feeling sad sometimes... Even the most vivdly clear memory... will change with time eventually."

♥ "Humans are amazing. Even though they may not see something physically... They'll still sense it. Everything else is the same. If you work hard, others will know that you work hard. If you don't work hard, others will know that you don't work hard."

♥ "Someday... You'll find someone who'll know all your good and bad points... And who'll still love you all the same."

♥ If... There was ever a Land of the Blindfolded, will the people of that land... Understand what it's like to have your blindfold come undone? Even if... Most people will never understand us... There might just be... Someone who can do that. It isn't easy to understand people's feelings... But that doesn't mean... That you're alone.

♥ It is not violence that best overcomes hate — nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.

♥ The real courage is living and suffering for what you believe.

♥ “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

♥ Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all pity those who live without love.

♥ 每一段记忆，都有一个密码。只要时间，地点，人物组合正确，无论尘封多久，那人那景都将在遗忘中重新拾起。你也许会说“不是都过去了吗？”其实过去的只是时间，你依然逃不出，想起了就微笑或悲伤的宿命，那种宿命本叫“无能为力”。

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