Friday, June 10, 2011 10:23 PM
It's all in my mind.
That night. I wished that I could think "I'll hate you if you don't turn up."
But then I realised.... I have no right to think that, because... your heart is already elsewhere.
In the end you turned up, but it didn't settle my emotions.
I don't know, but I had began glooming since the beginning of the evening.
I watch, and I detach myself from my emotions,
checking where my line of sight ends up.
I am not sure how to react to your simple gesture. I doubt you knew that it made my mind wander, for some time, over what the correct reaction ought be.
Don't think me cold, if you were trying to be friendly.
I just control my actions, as far as I can.
I hid from view when we went over.
At the very end, as I acknowledged you briefly, I saw your smile, which dropped quickly into a hardened one as you looked away.
Guess I also let it stay in my mind too long.
I was expecting you to turn up.
Eventually you replied my message.
Did I put too much thought into the words and smileys etc in your message?
Then when I asked you not to reply, you really didn't. I had to hold back a half smile, or maybe it was a grimace.
Then your suggestion...
Either way, I have learnt not to expect too much.
I'm sorry. ^^
My mood was quite low at the second round of Kbox.
I forgot which song it was when it made my mind wander.
I thought about the past, everyone, every one of the people I was referring to in that Truth or Dare so long ago.
My nose felt weird, but in the end no tears came out.
I looked at my phone, and saw that both inbox and outbox had exceeded 3000 messages.
I was clinging too much on them to preserve memories.
Memories that just come back to mock me, to make me regret what disappeared... Those bonds.
I deleted them, without reading through any.
All 3000 plus worth of inbox and outbox messages.
It occurred to me at some point that it took really long to delete. Memories take time to fade...
I will not look back at the past, I will not cling on to them.
Even if I wanted to anyway, I wouldn't have anything to.
Labels: Hotshots♥ /RVNP