The void sucks me in.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011 10:10 PM

It's all in my mind.

You two- just want to make sure my bad impression of you stays forever, is it? -_-

Kristine's POV is probably the more reasonable one considering that we are their squad ICs.

Thing about it is, I don't think it is of any use.

When I put down one instance, another event, yet another occurance and even more examples... I try to neglect all these and treat you all equally during act,

you two have to prove me wrong,

have to just show me that either the thing on your shoulders is for decoration,

or that your EQ is zero.

For crying out loud.

Yes, like what Kristine says, it would be a sad situation if they are going to be judged for their actions into the first few months of their NP life. They still have a long way to go, and now their seniors...

Well, yes.

Yes, as their caring ICs, I guess we are supposed to go and smooth their ways back on track.

Otherwise, like Kristine says, they are just going to hate NP even more, have even more reason...

(like they even have reason luh.)

The thing is, I am not exactly jumping for joy about that. I don't know what my other ICs think, but seriously, I believe in responsibility for your word choice.

Yes, I have been wrong before, I have been too critical. I regret it. But while I know guilt, I wonder if they do. The same way.

To Kristine, it appears as if she would like to withhold judgement.

To me, I think my judgement is clear.

To me, you posted this knowing it's potential effects. Even if the effects exceeded the realms of what your mind imagined, you knew it would have the ability to spark something off.

You say that you don't want to hurt peoples' feelings, but by attracting attention/venting in this manner, it is precisely what you are doing, isn't it?

You know that they don't add up, don't you?

Or is it an excessive use of sarcasm?

You are surprised at the extent? I am not.

I am not surprised if they condemn you.

It is very hard not to.

Whatever you were trying to do, you should have considered the consequences.

If you didn't, reap the rewards.

If you did, here- face the music.

I don't think talking to you would matter anyway, since all the two of you do is happily hide behind the computer screen.

I don't think asking you point blank will get any results.

I don't think trying to change and correct your ideas will be fruitful.

Probably I am not doing what I should as an IC, but heck. Your attitudes, seriously.

Please, for goodness sake, prove to me that you are using your brain.

Either in your posts, else hurry up and find the privacy settings already.

AND set the privacy of all your posts to merely the two of you.

I am tired of your point of view.

I am tired of the things you put on facebook.

I am tired of your two facades.

Give me a break, seriously. Use this time to mature too- either become much more strong such that you can face all this with no outside help, or tone down.

Seriously, I am very judgemental. 我很会记仇。Even things that people don't think much of, I will still begrudge you over. Now that it's not in full scale, don't set me off.

Usual people don't have so much time to avoid my frustration,

squadmates being an exception, somehow. Because they are the only people as of now that I will overlook time and again, time and again, such that I ensure that I don't view them with bias for an extended period of time.

And you two, fortunately, are not my squadmates.

A bit saddened.

I was merely trying to impress upon them my disappointment.

Apparently it was too repetitive for you three, and that goes without saying the cadets.

I just wasted my breath for the second consecutive debrief.

You said that my ability to crap is good when we need to use more time.

I feel sort of dejected, since I wasn't trying to crap.

I know I am the most 啰嗦 amongst us four.

That is why I lived with crapping for one hour during ITC while you three went to fix flags, untie rope obs.

But still.

If I am repetitive, it is because I cannot find a better way of getting it across.

If I keep using the same word choice, it is likely because that is how I keep the words flowing.

If I am monotonous, it is either because I am forcibly making my tone calm, or just a presentation defect on my part.

If my volume is soft, ditto.

But worst thing about it is that it doesn't get have the effect I aimed for.

Damn fail.

Scary how critical I can be?

How harsh I am willing to be?

Well, I am sorry.

Because I have experienced too many times putting things down,

then people repeating it in my face and proving it to me that from the very start,

it would have done me well to have never gotten over it.

They can rot for eternity in my eyes-

I think I prefer that to getting over the effects of their shit and then receiving it in my face again.

Labels: Hotshots♥ /RVNP

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

~ Profile ~

Tan Jing Yee
River Valley High School
RVNP HotShots! (sec1'08)
~~Shuqun Primary School~~
28 July

~ some quotes ~

♥ But I think... I want to live with all my memories. Even if they're bad memories. Even if they're memories that only hurt me... that I'd rather forget. If I keep them and keep trying, without running away, then someday I'll be strong enough that those memories can't defeat me. I believe that because I want to think that there's no such thing as a memory that's ok to forget.

♥ Pain, suffering. It's pointless to just think about those things. The traveler (referring to "The Most Foolish Traveler" by Natsuki Takaya) didn't. That may be stupid to some people but that's not stupid to me. Yuki... Kyo... when you close your eyes, what do you think?

♥ Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away... despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner hope will return to you. Again and again.

♥ Someday... no matter how cold it is now... the snow will melt. Without fail.

♥ For there to be pain, there has to be kindness. For darkness to stand out, there has to be the sun.

♥ Maybe I'm not perfect. Maybe I have a long way to go. But someday... someday I'll be able to stand and walk on my own. Without hurting anyone... and without being a burden.

♥ We're all born with selfish desires so we can relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is created individually by each person... So it's easy to misunderstand when someone is trying to be kind to you... But, Tohru, people's differences are something to celebrate.

♥ "And if when everything ends, nothing is left in my hands...that's alright."

♥ Mingling with people, hurting them, getting hurt by them. That's how you learn about people and about yourself. If you don't, you'll never care about anyone but yourself.

♥ I want to be the only one... who can help the one I care about.

♥ "I wish I could have lived... In a kind world. Without anxiety. Without fear. Without hurting other people. Without being hurt myself. Only doing the right things. I wish I could have followed... The shortest path... To the kind world I wish for. I wish... I could have lived my life... Without making any wrong turns. But that is impossible. A path like that doesn't exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time... we push forward. It's all we can do. On our own two feet. Even if we get a little banged up. Someday, we'll reach something. We'll reach someone. We pray."

♥ "Crowds used to make me wonder. How many people would notice if I disappeared? I used to mull over that kind of thing constantly... once upon a time. But now... I'm a little different. It's not like that. It doesn't have to be... A lot of people. Even if it's just one person. That's enough. Having one person... is an incredible thing. Because then... It can't be zero. I was happy. I was happy then, too. I was so happy, it tickled. In the midst of all those people... She singled me out... and found me. And it's the same thing now. Having someone other than yourself... thinking of you. Looking... for you. You can't take that for granted. It's a miraculous and blessed thing."

♥ "... please don't cry anymore. I know that happy things... and fun things.. eventually come to an end. But things that are scary and sad... come to an end too. They always do. Even if you can't always believe that... please don't give up. Live. I want you to live. Even if you make a mistake, even if you take the long way, it's still okay... Just please... please live. Don't give up on pushing forward. Please. At least don't give up on that. Even if I'm not... by your side."

♥ Often times in memory, we have the tendency to overly romanticize the people we care about.

♥ Humans may be fragile creatures, but they're not weak to the extent to being crushed by their painful memories even after they meet with something unfortunate. We're far more resilient that that. Everything will be alright.

♥ "Don't worry, Kanade. What a person has actually gone through is unexpectedly different from what he remembers. Even though that gap may leave him feeling sad sometimes... Even the most vivdly clear memory... will change with time eventually."

♥ "Humans are amazing. Even though they may not see something physically... They'll still sense it. Everything else is the same. If you work hard, others will know that you work hard. If you don't work hard, others will know that you don't work hard."

♥ "Someday... You'll find someone who'll know all your good and bad points... And who'll still love you all the same."

♥ If... There was ever a Land of the Blindfolded, will the people of that land... Understand what it's like to have your blindfold come undone? Even if... Most people will never understand us... There might just be... Someone who can do that. It isn't easy to understand people's feelings... But that doesn't mean... That you're alone.

♥ It is not violence that best overcomes hate — nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.

♥ The real courage is living and suffering for what you believe.

♥ “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

♥ Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all pity those who live without love.

♥ 每一段记忆，都有一个密码。只要时间，地点，人物组合正确，无论尘封多久，那人那景都将在遗忘中重新拾起。你也许会说“不是都过去了吗？”其实过去的只是时间，你依然逃不出，想起了就微笑或悲伤的宿命，那种宿命本叫“无能为力”。

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