The void sucks me in.

Saturday, April 16, 2011 11:22 PM

It's all in my mind.

You asked if I was very stressed up over the squad tee thing.

Well, the fact that you asked proves that you actually can read my face.

However, you asked that only when we were all settled at Long John's, after 75% of the things I was pissed off at happened.

Yes, I am officially pissed.

Too bad to any innocent people whom my foul mood rubbed off on.

I. Am. Not. Going. To. Apologise.

Because I have no need to.

Let me start by going through what I was pissed off at.

I wasn't exactly hyper at the idea of seeing the sec 3s when I reached CCK today, but I was fine. Kristine and I had settled design once and for all, found a supplier.

As long as Hotshots cooperates, I am happy.

I joined Amanda, and Ken appeared soon after.

The three of us... Ken said that he saw some of the others take a cab, so he thought they'd reached.

Perhaps that was why I called Junianti.

My tone of voice changed after the first line.

You four were at HTA already.

No one had bothered to tell us.

Need I remind you of your sms?

Tmr pls meet at cck at 5 and we go tgt :) pls be punctual if not we'll be late.

DEARS, WE ARE NOT MINDREADERS. NOT EDWARD OR ALICE.

Pray tell how we are supposed to know that?

Had we not called, we'd have waited.

THEN?

Called Freda, didn't get through.

Called Seow Hwee, she said that she'd told Freda and Chloe that she was going to HTA herself.

Called Chloe, she and Freda just reached HTA bus stop.

Okay, now I am seriously unamused.

You can see from my face, really, doesn't take a Jasper to realise.

For goodness sake.

One person didn't call.

Two people didn't call.

Three didn't call.

And ALL OF YOU didn't call.

What the heck is this?

I don't care if you thought, he thought, she thought.

I. AM. PISSED.

What unit spirit, team spirit, squad spirit do you damn hell want to have when you can't even care about the other few of just 10 people?

One for all, all for one.

This that we are preaching, have you done it or not?

When we were supposedly waiting for you all, you all were there already.

And don't you pull some crap saying that we have to find out from our squadmates. I'll kill people.

I barely could suppress my temper. When Pei Hao told me that the seats they helped us reserve was right behind the band, I totally screeched at him that we'll go deaf.

I think he sort of ignored me, but I was right.

We had to scream into each other's ears to hear each other when the parade started.

Parade was fine, and it was interesting saying the timing that the ones down there couldn't, and watching them as they lagged or fidgeted.

We really can see their mistakes from up there.

Impressive that the GOH had most casualty this year.

And wonderful shit they showed us during march pass as well.

The first GOH contingent couldn't even synchronise their arm swings, the leg they were marching on.

What the shit. Throughout the entire march pass, what looked like half of the contingent were on different legs.

I hope their CI gave them hell for giving shit standard on the actual day.

The parade ended.

When we were in the drill shed, I mentioned this, and you chided me for even saying that.

That they put in a lot of effort, blah blah blah.

-.-

This is a lot of effort?

Then why did the other GOH contingent do it properly? The GOH mass flag as well? AND all the rest of the mass flags and supporting contingents??

I fumed at you.

And I remember that that is not the only thing I was annoyed with while we were still in HTA.

YOU DON'T REALISE THAT YOUR TONE PISSES ME OFF?

God, seriously-!

Miss, I don't care where you 培养 your tone and attitude.

RIGHT AUDIENCE, RIGHT TONE PLEASE.

Don't even try to speak in a condescending manner to me.

Don't even think about it.

真的很反感。 So deeply that I rolled my eyes at both of you on the bus.

Don't. Even. Try. You'll just make it worse.

UGH!

Alright, talking about irrelevant things to Amanda and Ken helped. By the time I got off the bus, I didn't have the "go eat shit" face.

But when we were in Long John's, you asked me if I was stressed from doing the tee,

I partly wished to congratulate you on being the densest guy I had ever met.

Amongst the other things...

You didn't notice that I had been perfectly relaxed when I was talking to the two of them about the design, did you.

Fine, now 你们两位告一段落。

You may be humorous. But two things you did made me remember what Sylvia mentioned to me yesterday.

Not only you make me realise how... uncaring you can be,

you are also proving a point.

I don't think I'll be tempted to trust guys.

AS A JOKE, WHAT DID YOU PUT ON LINE FOR THE CHOP? THE RELATIONS OF TWO PEOPLE.

You know you don't-. Then? Just to see her reaction, is that it?

What right do you have??! What you are inflicting on both sides for your own amusement or our entertainment, did you consider? Or is that brain of yours plugged in only during academics?

She has to salvage the situation, because it is her relationship/friendship.

Though what you put the other guy through only he will know,

but how can you risk someone feeling so let down?

I am going to blame Seow Hwee partly too. Because the reply she sent was uncalled for.

What impression will he have of her, did you consider? If there is any ill effects, it is not you who is the one suffering.

AND THEN.

You pretended that you lost her house keys?

Dear squadmate, APRIL FOOL'S DAY IS OVER.

Even though your lack of horror may have been a tell-tale sign,

was it your purpose to make her worry?

is this your entertainment?

Because it wasn't funny for anyone else.

Playing with people's reactions for your own amusement?

Even if they are not pissed off with you anymore, even if they are not upset anymore.

I WANTED AND WILL STILL BE TEMPTED TO THROW THE CONTENTS OF A CUP IN YOUR FACE.

刮目相看，dear squadmate.

And for the other 2, I AM IRKED.

Highly disappointing, even if you have your redeeming points.

Ugh.

Labels: Hotshots♥ /RVNP

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

~ Profile ~

Tan Jing Yee
River Valley High School
RVNP HotShots! (sec1'08)
~~Shuqun Primary School~~
28 July

~ some quotes ~

♥ But I think... I want to live with all my memories. Even if they're bad memories. Even if they're memories that only hurt me... that I'd rather forget. If I keep them and keep trying, without running away, then someday I'll be strong enough that those memories can't defeat me. I believe that because I want to think that there's no such thing as a memory that's ok to forget.

♥ Pain, suffering. It's pointless to just think about those things. The traveler (referring to "The Most Foolish Traveler" by Natsuki Takaya) didn't. That may be stupid to some people but that's not stupid to me. Yuki... Kyo... when you close your eyes, what do you think?

♥ Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away... despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner hope will return to you. Again and again.

♥ Someday... no matter how cold it is now... the snow will melt. Without fail.

♥ For there to be pain, there has to be kindness. For darkness to stand out, there has to be the sun.

♥ Maybe I'm not perfect. Maybe I have a long way to go. But someday... someday I'll be able to stand and walk on my own. Without hurting anyone... and without being a burden.

♥ We're all born with selfish desires so we can relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is created individually by each person... So it's easy to misunderstand when someone is trying to be kind to you... But, Tohru, people's differences are something to celebrate.

♥ "And if when everything ends, nothing is left in my hands...that's alright."

♥ Mingling with people, hurting them, getting hurt by them. That's how you learn about people and about yourself. If you don't, you'll never care about anyone but yourself.

♥ I want to be the only one... who can help the one I care about.

♥ "I wish I could have lived... In a kind world. Without anxiety. Without fear. Without hurting other people. Without being hurt myself. Only doing the right things. I wish I could have followed... The shortest path... To the kind world I wish for. I wish... I could have lived my life... Without making any wrong turns. But that is impossible. A path like that doesn't exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time... we push forward. It's all we can do. On our own two feet. Even if we get a little banged up. Someday, we'll reach something. We'll reach someone. We pray."

♥ "Crowds used to make me wonder. How many people would notice if I disappeared? I used to mull over that kind of thing constantly... once upon a time. But now... I'm a little different. It's not like that. It doesn't have to be... A lot of people. Even if it's just one person. That's enough. Having one person... is an incredible thing. Because then... It can't be zero. I was happy. I was happy then, too. I was so happy, it tickled. In the midst of all those people... She singled me out... and found me. And it's the same thing now. Having someone other than yourself... thinking of you. Looking... for you. You can't take that for granted. It's a miraculous and blessed thing."

♥ "... please don't cry anymore. I know that happy things... and fun things.. eventually come to an end. But things that are scary and sad... come to an end too. They always do. Even if you can't always believe that... please don't give up. Live. I want you to live. Even if you make a mistake, even if you take the long way, it's still okay... Just please... please live. Don't give up on pushing forward. Please. At least don't give up on that. Even if I'm not... by your side."

♥ Often times in memory, we have the tendency to overly romanticize the people we care about.

♥ Humans may be fragile creatures, but they're not weak to the extent to being crushed by their painful memories even after they meet with something unfortunate. We're far more resilient that that. Everything will be alright.

♥ "Don't worry, Kanade. What a person has actually gone through is unexpectedly different from what he remembers. Even though that gap may leave him feeling sad sometimes... Even the most vivdly clear memory... will change with time eventually."

♥ "Humans are amazing. Even though they may not see something physically... They'll still sense it. Everything else is the same. If you work hard, others will know that you work hard. If you don't work hard, others will know that you don't work hard."

♥ "Someday... You'll find someone who'll know all your good and bad points... And who'll still love you all the same."

♥ If... There was ever a Land of the Blindfolded, will the people of that land... Understand what it's like to have your blindfold come undone? Even if... Most people will never understand us... There might just be... Someone who can do that. It isn't easy to understand people's feelings... But that doesn't mean... That you're alone.

♥ It is not violence that best overcomes hate — nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.

♥ The real courage is living and suffering for what you believe.

♥ “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

♥ Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all pity those who live without love.

♥ 每一段记忆，都有一个密码。只要时间，地点，人物组合正确，无论尘封多久，那人那景都将在遗忘中重新拾起。你也许会说“不是都过去了吗？”其实过去的只是时间，你依然逃不出，想起了就微笑或悲伤的宿命，那种宿命本叫“无能为力”。

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