The void sucks me in.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011 7:50 PM

It's all in my mind.

I change my mind.

I used to think that my aim was that, by ROD, I would at least make sure that sec 1s didn't hate me. I change my mind.

They can hate me for all I care.

As long as their next batch of ICs don't wonder: what the hell did their previous ICs do with them?, it will be fine.

So what if I come to like them in the future?

So what if I come to care for them almost as deeply as Hotshots?

So what, if, by then, I have been so exacting that they will never like me again?

So what if I will be the only one giving, and never getting reciprocated because they are too scared by me?

It doesn't matter.

It is a gamble.

And since it isn't Hotshots we are talking about, there is a limit to how much it will affect me.

We have very different styles, within us ICs, in regard to the sec1s.

We are trying to tailor-make a perfect system for them, I think.

One whereby they will love NP, and learn meanwhile.

Guess how we know what they like?

Ask.

Obviously.

Idealistic, no?

Fine, I will take it in my stride that I am the most 啰嗦 amongst us 4.

Fine, I will take it in my stride that I shouldn't have such high expectations. Yes, I do agree that there is an improvement, and I was ecstatic about their behaviour during the second act. But today... maybe it's me, but I am disappointed.

Fine, perhaps I should suppress myself further, and not explode in their face until they know more of our requirements.

Fine.

But meanwhile, what I cannot stand is you all asking them how they think we can improve.

They. Are. Not. In. A. Position. To. Judge.

I won't even start on history evaluation of reliability, for purpose.

What they would like is idealistic. They are new to NP, they cannot use their previous experience to judge. They have to learn, they have to get used to our style.

We are not being too demanding.

Feedback, how they feel about what we do, sure. We need that all the time.

But why let them have false hopes about us changing to suit their preferences, then let them feel disappointed when they face hard facts?

You all say that we need to let them bond, let them like NP.

True, I am not denying that.

But this approach, this kindly approach...

There are two results that I anticipate.

1. They like NP. Success.

2. They get used to being pampered and climb over our heads.

There was a blatant example of the latter today, so I am not unreasonable to say this.

I will not be so pissed off if their volume were lower.

I will not be so pissed off if their reactions were slow.

I will not be so pissed off if they didn't greet properly.

But I cannot stand a lack of basic respect.

Climb over me? you better get someone to get your eulogy ready first.

If they don't know their place, I will be the first one to kick them into their respective places.

Or kick them in their face, like what Xing Yao misheard me as doing.

You three can go on and try to let them like NP, but I will not budge in this single respect.

If they hate me for it, so be it.

Even if I love them in the end, but they still hate me, so be it.

They are in their formative years, I am certain to that.

We are the ones moulding them- their following ICs can only change them up to a certain standard.

So I will not tolerate anything short in this area.

I will be the bad guy, so to speak, if need be.

... Sir Raymeo, I think you lose your bet. 这次，你可能看错了。

Labels: Deep Emotions, Hotshots♥ /RVNP

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

~ Profile ~

Tan Jing Yee
River Valley High School
RVNP HotShots! (sec1'08)
~~Shuqun Primary School~~
28 July

~ some quotes ~

♥ But I think... I want to live with all my memories. Even if they're bad memories. Even if they're memories that only hurt me... that I'd rather forget. If I keep them and keep trying, without running away, then someday I'll be strong enough that those memories can't defeat me. I believe that because I want to think that there's no such thing as a memory that's ok to forget.

♥ Pain, suffering. It's pointless to just think about those things. The traveler (referring to "The Most Foolish Traveler" by Natsuki Takaya) didn't. That may be stupid to some people but that's not stupid to me. Yuki... Kyo... when you close your eyes, what do you think?

♥ Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away... despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner hope will return to you. Again and again.

♥ Someday... no matter how cold it is now... the snow will melt. Without fail.

♥ For there to be pain, there has to be kindness. For darkness to stand out, there has to be the sun.

♥ Maybe I'm not perfect. Maybe I have a long way to go. But someday... someday I'll be able to stand and walk on my own. Without hurting anyone... and without being a burden.

♥ We're all born with selfish desires so we can relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is created individually by each person... So it's easy to misunderstand when someone is trying to be kind to you... But, Tohru, people's differences are something to celebrate.

♥ "And if when everything ends, nothing is left in my hands...that's alright."

♥ Mingling with people, hurting them, getting hurt by them. That's how you learn about people and about yourself. If you don't, you'll never care about anyone but yourself.

♥ I want to be the only one... who can help the one I care about.

♥ "I wish I could have lived... In a kind world. Without anxiety. Without fear. Without hurting other people. Without being hurt myself. Only doing the right things. I wish I could have followed... The shortest path... To the kind world I wish for. I wish... I could have lived my life... Without making any wrong turns. But that is impossible. A path like that doesn't exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time... we push forward. It's all we can do. On our own two feet. Even if we get a little banged up. Someday, we'll reach something. We'll reach someone. We pray."

♥ "Crowds used to make me wonder. How many people would notice if I disappeared? I used to mull over that kind of thing constantly... once upon a time. But now... I'm a little different. It's not like that. It doesn't have to be... A lot of people. Even if it's just one person. That's enough. Having one person... is an incredible thing. Because then... It can't be zero. I was happy. I was happy then, too. I was so happy, it tickled. In the midst of all those people... She singled me out... and found me. And it's the same thing now. Having someone other than yourself... thinking of you. Looking... for you. You can't take that for granted. It's a miraculous and blessed thing."

♥ "... please don't cry anymore. I know that happy things... and fun things.. eventually come to an end. But things that are scary and sad... come to an end too. They always do. Even if you can't always believe that... please don't give up. Live. I want you to live. Even if you make a mistake, even if you take the long way, it's still okay... Just please... please live. Don't give up on pushing forward. Please. At least don't give up on that. Even if I'm not... by your side."

♥ Often times in memory, we have the tendency to overly romanticize the people we care about.

♥ Humans may be fragile creatures, but they're not weak to the extent to being crushed by their painful memories even after they meet with something unfortunate. We're far more resilient that that. Everything will be alright.

♥ "Don't worry, Kanade. What a person has actually gone through is unexpectedly different from what he remembers. Even though that gap may leave him feeling sad sometimes... Even the most vivdly clear memory... will change with time eventually."

♥ "Humans are amazing. Even though they may not see something physically... They'll still sense it. Everything else is the same. If you work hard, others will know that you work hard. If you don't work hard, others will know that you don't work hard."

♥ "Someday... You'll find someone who'll know all your good and bad points... And who'll still love you all the same."

♥ If... There was ever a Land of the Blindfolded, will the people of that land... Understand what it's like to have your blindfold come undone? Even if... Most people will never understand us... There might just be... Someone who can do that. It isn't easy to understand people's feelings... But that doesn't mean... That you're alone.

♥ It is not violence that best overcomes hate — nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.

♥ The real courage is living and suffering for what you believe.

♥ “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

♥ Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all pity those who live without love.

♥ 每一段记忆，都有一个密码。只要时间，地点，人物组合正确，无论尘封多久，那人那景都将在遗忘中重新拾起。你也许会说“不是都过去了吗？”其实过去的只是时间，你依然逃不出，想起了就微笑或悲伤的宿命，那种宿命本叫“无能为力”。

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