The void sucks me in.

Friday, September 5, 2014 2:07 AM

It's all in my mind.

It was like a switch flipped.
In the split second that the white light blinds, an intuitive realisation that the world as you know it will never be the same again.

Close your eyes with me.

Imagine walking into a room, pitch dark, delightfully cool.
With a little creak, the door closes behind you.

The dark unsettles.
Backing, you feel not the door you entered from.
An uneasiness creeps from the depths of your stomach, increasing in every moment-
You dare not move your feet, for fear of what lies ahead.
Both of fear- fear of breaking something precious, and fear of being broken.

You tell yourself that you will know what to do once your eyes adapt.
You tell yourself that you will then, take action.

A silhouette of a table like surface comes vaguely into focus.
You tentatively put your hand on it-

And like the miracle you craved for, a light.
A single candle, flickering, casting a warm orange glow upon that which it surrounds.

Mesmerizing. There's a draw in such concentrated warmth, such concentrated light in such a dark place.
You could look at it a long while.

But no. You move away, trying to get your bearings about this strange room.
In the process you almost tripped; almost inevitable considering the half blind, stumbling gait.

You would never have expected many more candles appearing.

They light themselves around that which you can't identify upon first glance.
Something mirror like in quality? Reflective, bringing about streaks of orange through part of the room.
Something metallic in appearance? Sturdy, unyielding, yet beautiful in its own way.
Something that looks like glass? Fragile like- so much so you aren't sure it exists.

The end product so pretty, so confusing that you freeze, to stop and stare.

A stray thought with some degree of wonder: what being made this? How does it work? How does it shine so beautifully? Can it be recreated?

You reach out your hand in fascination.
Darkness of the room forgotten.
The possibility of danger lurking in the black corners the last thing on your mind.

Unlike Aurora in Sleeping Beauty, you don't get to touch it.

As though a self-defense mechanism, white light explodes.
It was like a switch flipped.
In the split second that the white light blinds, an intuitive realisation that the world as you know it will never be the same again.

Your eyes prick from the sudden flash, only to find the room lit with white light again.

The candles change not.

The structure remains.

The material more observable.

You can't get the beauty you remembered out of your mind.

Yet fact you can't run from.

You see it better now.

You will never see it the same way as before.

I realise only now that you are only human.

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

~ Profile ~

Tan Jing Yee
River Valley High School
RVNP HotShots! (sec1'08)
~~Shuqun Primary School~~
28 July

~ some quotes ~

♥ But I think... I want to live with all my memories. Even if they're bad memories. Even if they're memories that only hurt me... that I'd rather forget. If I keep them and keep trying, without running away, then someday I'll be strong enough that those memories can't defeat me. I believe that because I want to think that there's no such thing as a memory that's ok to forget.

♥ Pain, suffering. It's pointless to just think about those things. The traveler (referring to "The Most Foolish Traveler" by Natsuki Takaya) didn't. That may be stupid to some people but that's not stupid to me. Yuki... Kyo... when you close your eyes, what do you think?

♥ Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away... despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner hope will return to you. Again and again.

♥ Someday... no matter how cold it is now... the snow will melt. Without fail.

♥ For there to be pain, there has to be kindness. For darkness to stand out, there has to be the sun.

♥ Maybe I'm not perfect. Maybe I have a long way to go. But someday... someday I'll be able to stand and walk on my own. Without hurting anyone... and without being a burden.

♥ We're all born with selfish desires so we can relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is created individually by each person... So it's easy to misunderstand when someone is trying to be kind to you... But, Tohru, people's differences are something to celebrate.

♥ "And if when everything ends, nothing is left in my hands...that's alright."

♥ Mingling with people, hurting them, getting hurt by them. That's how you learn about people and about yourself. If you don't, you'll never care about anyone but yourself.

♥ I want to be the only one... who can help the one I care about.

♥ "I wish I could have lived... In a kind world. Without anxiety. Without fear. Without hurting other people. Without being hurt myself. Only doing the right things. I wish I could have followed... The shortest path... To the kind world I wish for. I wish... I could have lived my life... Without making any wrong turns. But that is impossible. A path like that doesn't exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time... we push forward. It's all we can do. On our own two feet. Even if we get a little banged up. Someday, we'll reach something. We'll reach someone. We pray."

♥ "Crowds used to make me wonder. How many people would notice if I disappeared? I used to mull over that kind of thing constantly... once upon a time. But now... I'm a little different. It's not like that. It doesn't have to be... A lot of people. Even if it's just one person. That's enough. Having one person... is an incredible thing. Because then... It can't be zero. I was happy. I was happy then, too. I was so happy, it tickled. In the midst of all those people... She singled me out... and found me. And it's the same thing now. Having someone other than yourself... thinking of you. Looking... for you. You can't take that for granted. It's a miraculous and blessed thing."

♥ "... please don't cry anymore. I know that happy things... and fun things.. eventually come to an end. But things that are scary and sad... come to an end too. They always do. Even if you can't always believe that... please don't give up. Live. I want you to live. Even if you make a mistake, even if you take the long way, it's still okay... Just please... please live. Don't give up on pushing forward. Please. At least don't give up on that. Even if I'm not... by your side."

♥ Often times in memory, we have the tendency to overly romanticize the people we care about.

♥ Humans may be fragile creatures, but they're not weak to the extent to being crushed by their painful memories even after they meet with something unfortunate. We're far more resilient that that. Everything will be alright.

♥ "Don't worry, Kanade. What a person has actually gone through is unexpectedly different from what he remembers. Even though that gap may leave him feeling sad sometimes... Even the most vivdly clear memory... will change with time eventually."

♥ "Humans are amazing. Even though they may not see something physically... They'll still sense it. Everything else is the same. If you work hard, others will know that you work hard. If you don't work hard, others will know that you don't work hard."

♥ "Someday... You'll find someone who'll know all your good and bad points... And who'll still love you all the same."

♥ If... There was ever a Land of the Blindfolded, will the people of that land... Understand what it's like to have your blindfold come undone? Even if... Most people will never understand us... There might just be... Someone who can do that. It isn't easy to understand people's feelings... But that doesn't mean... That you're alone.

♥ It is not violence that best overcomes hate — nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.

♥ The real courage is living and suffering for what you believe.

♥ “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

♥ Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all pity those who live without love.

♥ 每一段记忆，都有一个密码。只要时间，地点，人物组合正确，无论尘封多久，那人那景都将在遗忘中重新拾起。你也许会说“不是都过去了吗？”其实过去的只是时间，你依然逃不出，想起了就微笑或悲伤的宿命，那种宿命本叫“无能为力”。

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