The void sucks me in.

Saturday, November 16, 2013 12:50 PM

It's all in my mind.

14 Nov.

Where're the lines?

The lines by virtue of which we justify anything. Is there even a value in a perceived reason for our action?

Where does logic end and madness begin?
Where does cruelty begin and righteousness end?
Where do things move out of your hands, and where is inaction a crime?

It suddenly seems funny that while there are answers, there are never answers enough. It's bewildering that while it's still an open issue, some perceive their own will to be cast in iron, and enforce it onto others.

Funny, that while our actions thread precariously on the brink of insanity, some have confidence in them to perpetuate it beyond their personal capacity.

How? When the only actions that one may ever hope to justify lie in the ones that affect merely themselves.

I don't mean to advocate passivity, for the fear of being wrong doesn't exonerate people from the crime of inaction when inaction itself brings about negative effects.

But how can one live except to accept people who check them, to listen to people ideally regardless of presentation, but particularly when one carries the keys to self-reformation, for improvement?

Is it a dependence on that will as the foundation of their being?
Is it fear at the impact knowledge of wrongdoing, for it holds an undeniable strength in undermining the person they've built through the years- the thing that cannot escape judgement?

And when we speak of rights... Why do we think we have any at all?

We must have. But how do we determine the rights we have?

Furthermore, what happens when the rights of two parties are in conflict with each other?
To assert your own, is it just to ignore the other's?
To reach a compromise- is it to lose?

To meet two perspectives- where will we end up bulldozing, blinded to what is discussed at hand to assert what we believe to be true?

"Knowledge is justified true belief."

What if both sides have them? In conflict with each other?

Their quarrel appear to be my own, yet I don't feel like interfering. I don't even feel certain of my biased input- not sure where it stands in the distinct but logical perspectives they hold.

Comical that we humans walk the earth when at least some of us haven't even figured these out. Not even formulated a consistent approach in which to apply to our lives. Don't they worry at all, that not tackling this by some stage of our lives leaves us with minimal advantage over animals? They don't have to justify their actions either. Their world is one whereby power triumphs. Yet their actions at least don't bring about the degree of destruction mankind wield, being social, interacting with fellows, influencing...

Doesn't it threaten the virtue of our actions? What's the point of a mind which fails to think, which fails to figure out the delicate balance between obligation to the individuals and obligations to others in society, then the collective whole?

Or perhaps it's only me. Perhaps others will not be stumped by the multitude of implications, and can coherently explain their lives, their decisions, their decision-making processes.

Perhaps there are others who can justify their deviations from a modus operandi, when, why, how.

Where does that leave me?
Where does that leave them, if their method turns out unjust, unethical, or self-centred?

Pursuit of happiness.
When will it cease to be a noble ideal and instead infringe on the very lines in humanity we are obligated as equals to not cross?

Pursuit of logic.
Where will it start becoming unfeeling, and where is it acceptable rationality?

Pursuit of knowledge.
But what does one do with the newfound grey area? For as long as thoughts continue to be voiced, as long as things are learnt, there will be things to dispute over.

Pursuit of humanity.
What shall we answer if others accuse us of a moral high ground and indicate that by our pursuit, we demonize things that are actually understandable, infringe the individual right to do what they want, claiming to know better?

Pursuit of acceptance.
When will it close our eyes to what is right in order to stay within the flock? When will it smother our voices simply because we avoid "bad form"?

Pursuit of anything- if not checked, isn't the extreme hedonism?

Yet amidst the black cloud of doubt I've just pushed into the forefront of my thoughts, I get the sense that things aren't that bad.

I have the feeling that the pursuit of answers would be instructive, even if humankind must definitely fail to arrive at consensus.
I have the feeling that given a better frame of mind, I would be able to reach into myself and half-formulate my standards, my ways, my methods.

But is it cheating myself into a sense of well being? For fault will only be amplified if the person committing it knows.

Knowing, yet doing... Versus knowing, yet not doing. Which would be worse?

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

~ Profile ~

Tan Jing Yee
River Valley High School
RVNP HotShots! (sec1'08)
~~Shuqun Primary School~~
28 July

~ some quotes ~

♥ But I think... I want to live with all my memories. Even if they're bad memories. Even if they're memories that only hurt me... that I'd rather forget. If I keep them and keep trying, without running away, then someday I'll be strong enough that those memories can't defeat me. I believe that because I want to think that there's no such thing as a memory that's ok to forget.

♥ Pain, suffering. It's pointless to just think about those things. The traveler (referring to "The Most Foolish Traveler" by Natsuki Takaya) didn't. That may be stupid to some people but that's not stupid to me. Yuki... Kyo... when you close your eyes, what do you think?

♥ Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away... despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner hope will return to you. Again and again.

♥ Someday... no matter how cold it is now... the snow will melt. Without fail.

♥ For there to be pain, there has to be kindness. For darkness to stand out, there has to be the sun.

♥ Maybe I'm not perfect. Maybe I have a long way to go. But someday... someday I'll be able to stand and walk on my own. Without hurting anyone... and without being a burden.

♥ We're all born with selfish desires so we can relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is created individually by each person... So it's easy to misunderstand when someone is trying to be kind to you... But, Tohru, people's differences are something to celebrate.

♥ "And if when everything ends, nothing is left in my hands...that's alright."

♥ Mingling with people, hurting them, getting hurt by them. That's how you learn about people and about yourself. If you don't, you'll never care about anyone but yourself.

♥ I want to be the only one... who can help the one I care about.

♥ "I wish I could have lived... In a kind world. Without anxiety. Without fear. Without hurting other people. Without being hurt myself. Only doing the right things. I wish I could have followed... The shortest path... To the kind world I wish for. I wish... I could have lived my life... Without making any wrong turns. But that is impossible. A path like that doesn't exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time... we push forward. It's all we can do. On our own two feet. Even if we get a little banged up. Someday, we'll reach something. We'll reach someone. We pray."

♥ "Crowds used to make me wonder. How many people would notice if I disappeared? I used to mull over that kind of thing constantly... once upon a time. But now... I'm a little different. It's not like that. It doesn't have to be... A lot of people. Even if it's just one person. That's enough. Having one person... is an incredible thing. Because then... It can't be zero. I was happy. I was happy then, too. I was so happy, it tickled. In the midst of all those people... She singled me out... and found me. And it's the same thing now. Having someone other than yourself... thinking of you. Looking... for you. You can't take that for granted. It's a miraculous and blessed thing."

♥ "... please don't cry anymore. I know that happy things... and fun things.. eventually come to an end. But things that are scary and sad... come to an end too. They always do. Even if you can't always believe that... please don't give up. Live. I want you to live. Even if you make a mistake, even if you take the long way, it's still okay... Just please... please live. Don't give up on pushing forward. Please. At least don't give up on that. Even if I'm not... by your side."

♥ Often times in memory, we have the tendency to overly romanticize the people we care about.

♥ Humans may be fragile creatures, but they're not weak to the extent to being crushed by their painful memories even after they meet with something unfortunate. We're far more resilient that that. Everything will be alright.

♥ "Don't worry, Kanade. What a person has actually gone through is unexpectedly different from what he remembers. Even though that gap may leave him feeling sad sometimes... Even the most vivdly clear memory... will change with time eventually."

♥ "Humans are amazing. Even though they may not see something physically... They'll still sense it. Everything else is the same. If you work hard, others will know that you work hard. If you don't work hard, others will know that you don't work hard."

♥ "Someday... You'll find someone who'll know all your good and bad points... And who'll still love you all the same."

♥ If... There was ever a Land of the Blindfolded, will the people of that land... Understand what it's like to have your blindfold come undone? Even if... Most people will never understand us... There might just be... Someone who can do that. It isn't easy to understand people's feelings... But that doesn't mean... That you're alone.

♥ It is not violence that best overcomes hate — nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.

♥ The real courage is living and suffering for what you believe.

♥ “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

♥ Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all pity those who live without love.

♥ 每一段记忆，都有一个密码。只要时间，地点，人物组合正确，无论尘封多久，那人那景都将在遗忘中重新拾起。你也许会说“不是都过去了吗？”其实过去的只是时间，你依然逃不出，想起了就微笑或悲伤的宿命，那种宿命本叫“无能为力”。

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