The void sucks me in.

Sunday, September 1, 2013 9:07 PM

It's all in my mind.

There are a few reasons why I post. I post when there're interesting things I feel like responding to. I post when I'm happy. I post when I'm down. I post when I'm angry.

This post is posted for the last reason.
You've had your warning- now turn away if you want to. Or else-

If any poor ship were to sail on these tumultuous seas as resembled my emotions, they'd flounder and break into pieces under the storm.
Sometimes, I think that I'd like to be that ship.
Fall under my rage, broken into smithereens.
Those are the times I wish I were gifted with less, so I don't have to put on a mask of calm amid the storm.

Some people simply don't seem to understand that there are limits.

Some people simply don't seem to understand that there are actions that can never be justified.

Some people back up the abovesaid, self pitying idiots- simply because they refuse to see the various elements of the issue independently.

I'm very interested to know their argument against seeing the crime and the criminal as two different entities.

Don't get me wrong. I'm perfectly agreeable with the idea of pitying someone for the circumstances surrounding their action, the influence of the external or deep underlying causes. Heaven knows I'm an advocate of the individual circumstance.

But there has to be a line. It is fine to pity the "criminal". Yet for some actions, there just is no justification. None.

They say people get angry when they see their own faults displayed in others.
Well, I can't say that my averse reaction doesnt have similar causes.

I despise myself if I deflect my anger to hurt people, particularly if it's to satisfy the beast residing in me. It's a real horror of my past, for I have before been such an uncaring, self centred fool. Some people may have had the misfortune to remember the unbalanced girl I was from 11 to 13.

And yet I recognise that I had no authority to do that, and not one single person needed to put up with that shit. I have attempted to take the path away from that self centred idiot, and I hope I can say that I've moved away from that.

To see that lack of restraint in a full grown, middle aged woman! To see that emotional instability unreigned- to see her abusing her perceived authority to justify her actions-

Well, the music is finally blaring loudly enough to regulate my heart.

Everyone matters more than yourself- open your eyes and see that.

The world is not about you but everyone except yourself.

And our mission in life is not self-satisfaction. So selfishness or acting like you're the centre of the universe is the most self centred rubbish around.

Our worth is only in relation to our effect on others. And may those effects be for good and not ill.

Inflicting hurt or anger onto other people simply because you have the might to! Do you not see that the tables can easily be reversed, except that no one is willing to sink to your level? No! You merely continue blatantly pushing all the wrong buttons, and have the audacity to paint yourself as justified and a victim.

I scorn that attitude- it drains me of any inclination towards sympathy. And I daresay you recognise my ability to be heartless.

Reconciliation can be advocated by those who assume that our control is not tested on a daily basis. Forgiveness can be advocated by those who assume that that would solve the problem, preventing the situation from recurring.
There's nothing wrong with that- theoretically, I agree.

But I assure you the waters run deeper than what you people think.

The effect of ten odd years of conflict, culminated and cutting- can you take that into account too?
The effect of her not thinking herself wrong in the first place, and us yielding to her is but her right and nothing less ought be given- can you take that into account too?

Finally: what I'd like to say to those who take her painted picture as reality. To those who try to rehabilitate us with "she's your mother!", "you'll understand when you're a mother!" or "how rude! Remember I'm your elder!"

Continue that, and continue failing.
If you refuse to speak as equals in intellect, I bid you best wishes and will never give you any credit for yours.
If you refuse to give both her perspective and mine equal weight, I give you my derisive chuckle and shall walk right out of the door.
If you refuse to separate the individual from their actions yet claim to be solving the problem, I advise you to try your luck with someone more compliant.

May I advise you to my brilliant GP tutor? She is a most wonderful teacher and will probably condescend to teach you the many routes to thinking.

Mine is not the most flexible around, but for crying out loud I'm at least willing to listen impartially.

Labels: Deep Emotions

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

~ Profile ~

Tan Jing Yee
River Valley High School
RVNP HotShots! (sec1'08)
~~Shuqun Primary School~~
28 July

~ some quotes ~

♥ But I think... I want to live with all my memories. Even if they're bad memories. Even if they're memories that only hurt me... that I'd rather forget. If I keep them and keep trying, without running away, then someday I'll be strong enough that those memories can't defeat me. I believe that because I want to think that there's no such thing as a memory that's ok to forget.

♥ Pain, suffering. It's pointless to just think about those things. The traveler (referring to "The Most Foolish Traveler" by Natsuki Takaya) didn't. That may be stupid to some people but that's not stupid to me. Yuki... Kyo... when you close your eyes, what do you think?

♥ Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away... despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner hope will return to you. Again and again.

♥ Someday... no matter how cold it is now... the snow will melt. Without fail.

♥ For there to be pain, there has to be kindness. For darkness to stand out, there has to be the sun.

♥ Maybe I'm not perfect. Maybe I have a long way to go. But someday... someday I'll be able to stand and walk on my own. Without hurting anyone... and without being a burden.

♥ We're all born with selfish desires so we can relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is created individually by each person... So it's easy to misunderstand when someone is trying to be kind to you... But, Tohru, people's differences are something to celebrate.

♥ "And if when everything ends, nothing is left in my hands...that's alright."

♥ Mingling with people, hurting them, getting hurt by them. That's how you learn about people and about yourself. If you don't, you'll never care about anyone but yourself.

♥ I want to be the only one... who can help the one I care about.

♥ "I wish I could have lived... In a kind world. Without anxiety. Without fear. Without hurting other people. Without being hurt myself. Only doing the right things. I wish I could have followed... The shortest path... To the kind world I wish for. I wish... I could have lived my life... Without making any wrong turns. But that is impossible. A path like that doesn't exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time... we push forward. It's all we can do. On our own two feet. Even if we get a little banged up. Someday, we'll reach something. We'll reach someone. We pray."

♥ "Crowds used to make me wonder. How many people would notice if I disappeared? I used to mull over that kind of thing constantly... once upon a time. But now... I'm a little different. It's not like that. It doesn't have to be... A lot of people. Even if it's just one person. That's enough. Having one person... is an incredible thing. Because then... It can't be zero. I was happy. I was happy then, too. I was so happy, it tickled. In the midst of all those people... She singled me out... and found me. And it's the same thing now. Having someone other than yourself... thinking of you. Looking... for you. You can't take that for granted. It's a miraculous and blessed thing."

♥ "... please don't cry anymore. I know that happy things... and fun things.. eventually come to an end. But things that are scary and sad... come to an end too. They always do. Even if you can't always believe that... please don't give up. Live. I want you to live. Even if you make a mistake, even if you take the long way, it's still okay... Just please... please live. Don't give up on pushing forward. Please. At least don't give up on that. Even if I'm not... by your side."

♥ Often times in memory, we have the tendency to overly romanticize the people we care about.

♥ Humans may be fragile creatures, but they're not weak to the extent to being crushed by their painful memories even after they meet with something unfortunate. We're far more resilient that that. Everything will be alright.

♥ "Don't worry, Kanade. What a person has actually gone through is unexpectedly different from what he remembers. Even though that gap may leave him feeling sad sometimes... Even the most vivdly clear memory... will change with time eventually."

♥ "Humans are amazing. Even though they may not see something physically... They'll still sense it. Everything else is the same. If you work hard, others will know that you work hard. If you don't work hard, others will know that you don't work hard."

♥ "Someday... You'll find someone who'll know all your good and bad points... And who'll still love you all the same."

♥ If... There was ever a Land of the Blindfolded, will the people of that land... Understand what it's like to have your blindfold come undone? Even if... Most people will never understand us... There might just be... Someone who can do that. It isn't easy to understand people's feelings... But that doesn't mean... That you're alone.

♥ It is not violence that best overcomes hate — nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.

♥ The real courage is living and suffering for what you believe.

♥ “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

♥ Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all pity those who live without love.

♥ 每一段记忆，都有一个密码。只要时间，地点，人物组合正确，无论尘封多久，那人那景都将在遗忘中重新拾起。你也许会说“不是都过去了吗？”其实过去的只是时间，你依然逃不出，想起了就微笑或悲伤的宿命，那种宿命本叫“无能为力”。

~ Leave your mark~

~Memories~

Click To View

~ Exits ~

Click To View

~ Credits ~