The void sucks me in.

Saturday, August 17, 2013 4:11 PM

It's all in my mind.

I wanted to post this yesterday but didn't get around to doing it.

It really is heartening to be remembered with smiles... I really have to thank the NCOs who helped decide Hotshots' hierarchy,and the fates above for giving me the opportunity to take the ninja squad.♥

Often times in memory, we have the tendency to overly romanticize the people we care about.
I suspect that I'm benefiting from that tendency of my cadets, but while it lasts, I'm grateful.

A few thoughts came into my head while listening to Miss J's lecture on meritocracy.

We should step up sometimes. Sometimes, we ourselves are really the best ones to carry out our ideas, to make the change that we want to see. Because sometimes people simply don't share your concern. Whether it is due to different upbringing, different circumstances, different evaluation of our own lives and experience... It simply is silly to advance your goal through expecting others take up your cause.
If you feel strongly enough for it, get into the muck and get things changed to your satisfaction.
I just worry that this attitude would close my eyes to what is lacking in my own judgement, in time.

Miss J mentioned equal starting lines, and it was then that it struck me. Isn't that the draw of that magical world J.K. Rowling created? It is a system with equal starting lines.
In the end, your hard work is what matters, your mind, your heart. Not wealth, not family, not blood. It really is a society that you can be measured by the amount of willpower you put into learning, the determination you put into to get what you want.
Equality. Isn't equality what some people around the world lose their lives for? Isn't equality what we yearn for, unless it reduces our own benefits? No one likes the short end of the stick.

My perspective about the purpose of going overseas changed yet again. I had felt that visiting other countries should be to learn of their culture. To learn about how people live, how their nation functions, and how they feel towards that. It was a spin-off from what Chinese Department tried to teach us with 尤金's sharings- that travelling teaches us the things we need to be grateful for.
Now it makes me wonder. Shouldn't the purpose of travelling to poorer countries be to discover what we could do to make a change for their betterment? Standard of living, material comforts- rather than to just feel grateful, we should be trying to do things that allow them to get the same things we do.
But so what if I think this? If it stays a passing notion, how is it of any value at all?
When all this may be all talk and no action, won't that make me a greater hypocrite when I don't follow up to my standards? I would think so.
People who are unaware cannot be faultless, but their guilt has to be less than those who are aware and yet consciously ignore the problem.

And finally... The GP lecture makes me feel that anything short of doing tangible things to help the world is a myopic goal. Earning to benefit yourself even more so. And yet, it is not wrong. No one is obligated to help people they do not care for, people they do not interact with, people whom they don't share blood relations.
The world I know of is that practical.
Perhaps this practicality is what leaves people behind to suffer- in this society, and in the rest of the world.

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

~ Profile ~

Tan Jing Yee
River Valley High School
RVNP HotShots! (sec1'08)
~~Shuqun Primary School~~
28 July

~ some quotes ~

♥ But I think... I want to live with all my memories. Even if they're bad memories. Even if they're memories that only hurt me... that I'd rather forget. If I keep them and keep trying, without running away, then someday I'll be strong enough that those memories can't defeat me. I believe that because I want to think that there's no such thing as a memory that's ok to forget.

♥ Pain, suffering. It's pointless to just think about those things. The traveler (referring to "The Most Foolish Traveler" by Natsuki Takaya) didn't. That may be stupid to some people but that's not stupid to me. Yuki... Kyo... when you close your eyes, what do you think?

♥ Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away... despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner hope will return to you. Again and again.

♥ Someday... no matter how cold it is now... the snow will melt. Without fail.

♥ For there to be pain, there has to be kindness. For darkness to stand out, there has to be the sun.

♥ Maybe I'm not perfect. Maybe I have a long way to go. But someday... someday I'll be able to stand and walk on my own. Without hurting anyone... and without being a burden.

♥ We're all born with selfish desires so we can relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is created individually by each person... So it's easy to misunderstand when someone is trying to be kind to you... But, Tohru, people's differences are something to celebrate.

♥ "And if when everything ends, nothing is left in my hands...that's alright."

♥ Mingling with people, hurting them, getting hurt by them. That's how you learn about people and about yourself. If you don't, you'll never care about anyone but yourself.

♥ I want to be the only one... who can help the one I care about.

♥ "I wish I could have lived... In a kind world. Without anxiety. Without fear. Without hurting other people. Without being hurt myself. Only doing the right things. I wish I could have followed... The shortest path... To the kind world I wish for. I wish... I could have lived my life... Without making any wrong turns. But that is impossible. A path like that doesn't exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time... we push forward. It's all we can do. On our own two feet. Even if we get a little banged up. Someday, we'll reach something. We'll reach someone. We pray."

♥ "Crowds used to make me wonder. How many people would notice if I disappeared? I used to mull over that kind of thing constantly... once upon a time. But now... I'm a little different. It's not like that. It doesn't have to be... A lot of people. Even if it's just one person. That's enough. Having one person... is an incredible thing. Because then... It can't be zero. I was happy. I was happy then, too. I was so happy, it tickled. In the midst of all those people... She singled me out... and found me. And it's the same thing now. Having someone other than yourself... thinking of you. Looking... for you. You can't take that for granted. It's a miraculous and blessed thing."

♥ "... please don't cry anymore. I know that happy things... and fun things.. eventually come to an end. But things that are scary and sad... come to an end too. They always do. Even if you can't always believe that... please don't give up. Live. I want you to live. Even if you make a mistake, even if you take the long way, it's still okay... Just please... please live. Don't give up on pushing forward. Please. At least don't give up on that. Even if I'm not... by your side."

♥ Often times in memory, we have the tendency to overly romanticize the people we care about.

♥ Humans may be fragile creatures, but they're not weak to the extent to being crushed by their painful memories even after they meet with something unfortunate. We're far more resilient that that. Everything will be alright.

♥ "Don't worry, Kanade. What a person has actually gone through is unexpectedly different from what he remembers. Even though that gap may leave him feeling sad sometimes... Even the most vivdly clear memory... will change with time eventually."

♥ "Humans are amazing. Even though they may not see something physically... They'll still sense it. Everything else is the same. If you work hard, others will know that you work hard. If you don't work hard, others will know that you don't work hard."

♥ "Someday... You'll find someone who'll know all your good and bad points... And who'll still love you all the same."

♥ If... There was ever a Land of the Blindfolded, will the people of that land... Understand what it's like to have your blindfold come undone? Even if... Most people will never understand us... There might just be... Someone who can do that. It isn't easy to understand people's feelings... But that doesn't mean... That you're alone.

♥ It is not violence that best overcomes hate — nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.

♥ The real courage is living and suffering for what you believe.

♥ “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

♥ Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all pity those who live without love.

♥ 每一段记忆，都有一个密码。只要时间，地点，人物组合正确，无论尘封多久，那人那景都将在遗忘中重新拾起。你也许会说“不是都过去了吗？”其实过去的只是时间，你依然逃不出，想起了就微笑或悲伤的宿命，那种宿命本叫“无能为力”。

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