The void sucks me in.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012 10:48 PM

It's all in my mind.

I shall liken it to being on a mountain.

Imagine.

The miraculous sensation that grips you- the amazement, that you've finally reached that height.

Looking about you- all the sights. So beautiful. Trees and waterfalls in the distance, pretty flowers nearby.

The sun's warmth just right. The clouds scattered across the canvas of blue in whichever way pleases them.

And the wind. The wind, blowing so comfortably, as though you would fly.

Somewhere that you tell yourself that you could stay forever and not get bored.

Somewhere where you're free from all the material worries, all that incessant noise from day to day life.

Somewhere you feel happy in. More than happy- exhilarated.

You soak in the beauty of it all, stand there in amazement, walk about intrigued.

Your orientation may be all off now, but it doesn't seem to matter.

Then at some point, a rumbling beneath your feet.

Your first thought was that it's absurd. It must be your imagination.

The mountains shifting beneath your feet? All that solid rock that borne your weight as you made your way up- shaking?

You freeze up for a moment.

No... the other visible mountains aren't shaking. Animals aren't fleeing. Option earthquake down.

Option trembling feet- KIV that.

But wait. The ground isn't shaking at all.

You wait a few moments, then check the box beside option A Figment of My Imagination mentally.

The night approaches, and the clouds are painted. The skies dyed with gold, pink, purple...

The ground shakes again.

Violently.

It would be naive and silly to convince yourself that the rocks beneath you aren't moving.

You have to move. Yet to move, you need to find your bearings first, for you've forgotten where the starting point was, in the midst of all the beauty before you.

You don't understand. How that immovable mountain can... well, move.

No clue about what's going on, no clue where you're headed, but knowing that you can't stay.

Hesitant steps. Slight steps. But those legs need to move.

And suddenly you realise the ground isn't shaking anymore.

There isn't a ground to shake anymore.

Did you walk right off the cliff?

Did the rock beneath your feet crack open to swallow you up?

Just what happened? The recurrent question that plagues your mind as you feel yourself falling...

Falling. You feel your heart in your mouth, the rush of air.

The world upside down, gravity working the way it never has before.

It registers very clearly that yes, you are falling.

In the distance, you can see the shadow of the pretty scene. The sky too, looks amazing.

Even as you fall to what would spell doom for you...

Can you come to regret having gone so high?

As you go down, you can't help but hope for a branch to catch on to.

Anything to catch you, and return you to the safety of the mountain once more.

Do they call it grasping at straws?

Then a queer sense of self-preservation wills yourself to jam brake. It whispers that you can avoid the impact all the way down there. It whispers that all this may be a dream, merely a dream that you need to wake up from. It whispers that there's some way of rescuing yourself.

It sounds too ideal to be true.

Some part of you has reconciled to the fact that you are falling.

All good things have an end, you think.

I have had my share of the fantastic things.

The impact would hurt like hell, but maybe, just maybe... the pain would be followed by unconsciousness soon after. The darkness of the void would take over.

Nothing really matters anymore.

I'm there right now, in the air.

Something stops me from cracking directly.

Self preservation is generally thought a good thing- but that probably just draws out that process.

In the end, it doesn't even matter.

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

~ Profile ~

Tan Jing Yee
River Valley High School
RVNP HotShots! (sec1'08)
~~Shuqun Primary School~~
28 July

~ some quotes ~

♥ But I think... I want to live with all my memories. Even if they're bad memories. Even if they're memories that only hurt me... that I'd rather forget. If I keep them and keep trying, without running away, then someday I'll be strong enough that those memories can't defeat me. I believe that because I want to think that there's no such thing as a memory that's ok to forget.

♥ Pain, suffering. It's pointless to just think about those things. The traveler (referring to "The Most Foolish Traveler" by Natsuki Takaya) didn't. That may be stupid to some people but that's not stupid to me. Yuki... Kyo... when you close your eyes, what do you think?

♥ Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away... despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner hope will return to you. Again and again.

♥ Someday... no matter how cold it is now... the snow will melt. Without fail.

♥ For there to be pain, there has to be kindness. For darkness to stand out, there has to be the sun.

♥ Maybe I'm not perfect. Maybe I have a long way to go. But someday... someday I'll be able to stand and walk on my own. Without hurting anyone... and without being a burden.

♥ We're all born with selfish desires so we can relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is created individually by each person... So it's easy to misunderstand when someone is trying to be kind to you... But, Tohru, people's differences are something to celebrate.

♥ "And if when everything ends, nothing is left in my hands...that's alright."

♥ Mingling with people, hurting them, getting hurt by them. That's how you learn about people and about yourself. If you don't, you'll never care about anyone but yourself.

♥ I want to be the only one... who can help the one I care about.

♥ "I wish I could have lived... In a kind world. Without anxiety. Without fear. Without hurting other people. Without being hurt myself. Only doing the right things. I wish I could have followed... The shortest path... To the kind world I wish for. I wish... I could have lived my life... Without making any wrong turns. But that is impossible. A path like that doesn't exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time... we push forward. It's all we can do. On our own two feet. Even if we get a little banged up. Someday, we'll reach something. We'll reach someone. We pray."

♥ "Crowds used to make me wonder. How many people would notice if I disappeared? I used to mull over that kind of thing constantly... once upon a time. But now... I'm a little different. It's not like that. It doesn't have to be... A lot of people. Even if it's just one person. That's enough. Having one person... is an incredible thing. Because then... It can't be zero. I was happy. I was happy then, too. I was so happy, it tickled. In the midst of all those people... She singled me out... and found me. And it's the same thing now. Having someone other than yourself... thinking of you. Looking... for you. You can't take that for granted. It's a miraculous and blessed thing."

♥ "... please don't cry anymore. I know that happy things... and fun things.. eventually come to an end. But things that are scary and sad... come to an end too. They always do. Even if you can't always believe that... please don't give up. Live. I want you to live. Even if you make a mistake, even if you take the long way, it's still okay... Just please... please live. Don't give up on pushing forward. Please. At least don't give up on that. Even if I'm not... by your side."

♥ Often times in memory, we have the tendency to overly romanticize the people we care about.

♥ Humans may be fragile creatures, but they're not weak to the extent to being crushed by their painful memories even after they meet with something unfortunate. We're far more resilient that that. Everything will be alright.

♥ "Don't worry, Kanade. What a person has actually gone through is unexpectedly different from what he remembers. Even though that gap may leave him feeling sad sometimes... Even the most vivdly clear memory... will change with time eventually."

♥ "Humans are amazing. Even though they may not see something physically... They'll still sense it. Everything else is the same. If you work hard, others will know that you work hard. If you don't work hard, others will know that you don't work hard."

♥ "Someday... You'll find someone who'll know all your good and bad points... And who'll still love you all the same."

♥ If... There was ever a Land of the Blindfolded, will the people of that land... Understand what it's like to have your blindfold come undone? Even if... Most people will never understand us... There might just be... Someone who can do that. It isn't easy to understand people's feelings... But that doesn't mean... That you're alone.

♥ It is not violence that best overcomes hate — nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.

♥ The real courage is living and suffering for what you believe.

♥ “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

♥ Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all pity those who live without love.

♥ 每一段记忆，都有一个密码。只要时间，地点，人物组合正确，无论尘封多久，那人那景都将在遗忘中重新拾起。你也许会说“不是都过去了吗？”其实过去的只是时间，你依然逃不出，想起了就微笑或悲伤的宿命，那种宿命本叫“无能为力”。

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