Thursday, June 2, 2011 8:33 PM
It's all in my mind.
I lose faith.
In light of your comment, what do I say?
It holds truth, I guess, and it is the smoothest way to tell me that I am no friend at all.
... I know that after receiving your message, what I should do is to go over, and lend you a shoulder.
But when I have already promised my time for other people, for many other days,
what will you have me do? I ought to cancel them, postpone them, if I were friend enough.
...
I'm sorry.
I never became what I promised I'll be.
I've probably let you down, more than once, and at this rate, it'd probably deteriorate.
I don't feel good that I have scheduled such that my current company has priority.
I can't even promise to go over next week every day to make up for it.
^^ Though you most certainly won't see this, I'm sorry, Remenyke.
Janella failed, really.
I failed to get Three Swords going too,
the thing that bound us.
Is it going to shatter, this friendship?
I think there's a possibility.
Partly because I have no faith I can be what you want to be.
It feels terrible, this.
I will probably look back and regret that I couldn't retain you as my friend,
couldn't be of enough support.
I'm quite sure you won't see this.
But even if you do...
I have a conscience, my dear friend.
I have a heart.
I wonder if we are just heading down the path that we would have walked. You being always to be the one to initiate gatherings- a reflection that I didn't put in enough effort.
Your lack of enthusiasm when I suggested reviving Three Swords.
And whenever you uploaded new chapters or posted new blogposts, I tried to comment.
While you didn't do the same to me.
I don't know what conclusion to come to,
my friend.
I sound like I am blaming you, though I really have no right to.
I just wish... That I could know what you really think.
I wish I still had the right to call you one of my best friends,
and deserved to be yours too.
Either way, I will not mourn the happy past.
Ng Peiling, I think I'm being a fail friend. >_< I'm sorry...