The void sucks me in.

Sunday, May 15, 2011 10:31 PM

It's all in my mind.

Going to be a very brief post this round, and extremely lack of thought. ^^

Went for Macbeth at Fort Canning park with Joey, Jolene, Jia Wen, Pei Hua, Su Hui and Wan Qing on friday the thirteenth. It was an enjoyable experience, quite so, though it got annoying in the later part to watch Adrian Pang spit water and whimper etc. I mean, yes he is supposed to do that, and yes, he can remember his lines amazingly, and yes, it is quite impressive that they got a guy willing to do things to this extent, but...

I don't like whiny guys?

*shrugs*

Anyhow, having a picnic and snacking while watching Macbeth out in the (stuffy) open was a great experience. I wouldn't mind watching another play... Perhaps the Crucible? ^^

Ah, and Joey told everyone about my blog address ._. And said too many things too complimentary of my writing style. Poetic? (uh... huh?? ._.) but anyway, by now, I have found her blog and Jolene's too, so maybe we are on par with each other. =D

And another random thing I remembered feeling about.

Wei En was sort of acknowledging me when he saw me on the way to the play. Peihua commented that it was sweet.

The other sec 2s... mainly just stared their eyes out at me.

While I do feel that it was very nice of him, as well as my own sec 1 cadets when they bob their heads or smile at me... I wonder if that will cease after we step down.

It is very heartwarming now...

I only wonder if these memories will come back to spite me after ROD.

I hope I am being overly pessimistic.

Saturday, swimming with Shou Fong, Lucy, Chloe and Michele at SAFRA.

This is the first time I have been there, and with squadmates...

Damn self conscious. And for good reason, I think.

We actually only did two laps of proper swimming, one lap of freestyle and one lap of breastroke. Lucy didn't join in that because she wasn't good at swimming...

Chloe is damn fast. Her freestyle uh... 0_0

Afterwards it was more of having fun in the water. From the big pool we moved to the kids pool, and I had fun being splashed repeatedly by water jets there. Following that we went to the Jacuzzi, where we amused ourselves trying to block the bubbles.

Hm... My words aren't doing justice to the fun we had but oh well. ^^

On the way back, Michele and Chloe commented that I should hang out with them more often, I keep surprising them. It reminded me of how Joey commented while we were on the train on the way back from Macbeth that my face looks fierce, but it's just because people haven't seen the (did she say cute? 0_0 No, i have very bad memory) this side of me before.

I don't know.

Perhaps I only loosen up slightly during cca, so no one in class sees what I may be.

Perhaps I only loosen up away from the school setting, so I seem out of character.

I don't know, but I know that my facades have long fallen apart.

I am struggling to apply the personalities I had to the correct situations-

then again, it should be better to face everyone bearing your heart on your chest, no?

I don't know, I don't know.

But for now, I really thank my squadmates, and classmates, for the good time we had this weekend.

Really appreciate it.

Thank you.

A cringe that you will never see.

A sigh that you will never hear.

We are separated by distances of the mind,

"So close, yet so far".

Almost like Hattori and Kanna, it is destined to be this way.

No matter where we were separated,

up til where I was deluding myself,

when your replies ceased to be from the heart...

I wish you well,

I wish you happiness, bro.

Maybe one day, I will look back at this all,

smile at the past,

and shake my head at my childish thoughts.

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

~ Profile ~

Tan Jing Yee
River Valley High School
RVNP HotShots! (sec1'08)
~~Shuqun Primary School~~
28 July

~ some quotes ~

♥ But I think... I want to live with all my memories. Even if they're bad memories. Even if they're memories that only hurt me... that I'd rather forget. If I keep them and keep trying, without running away, then someday I'll be strong enough that those memories can't defeat me. I believe that because I want to think that there's no such thing as a memory that's ok to forget.

♥ Pain, suffering. It's pointless to just think about those things. The traveler (referring to "The Most Foolish Traveler" by Natsuki Takaya) didn't. That may be stupid to some people but that's not stupid to me. Yuki... Kyo... when you close your eyes, what do you think?

♥ Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away... despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner hope will return to you. Again and again.

♥ Someday... no matter how cold it is now... the snow will melt. Without fail.

♥ For there to be pain, there has to be kindness. For darkness to stand out, there has to be the sun.

♥ Maybe I'm not perfect. Maybe I have a long way to go. But someday... someday I'll be able to stand and walk on my own. Without hurting anyone... and without being a burden.

♥ We're all born with selfish desires so we can relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is created individually by each person... So it's easy to misunderstand when someone is trying to be kind to you... But, Tohru, people's differences are something to celebrate.

♥ "And if when everything ends, nothing is left in my hands...that's alright."

♥ Mingling with people, hurting them, getting hurt by them. That's how you learn about people and about yourself. If you don't, you'll never care about anyone but yourself.

♥ I want to be the only one... who can help the one I care about.

♥ "I wish I could have lived... In a kind world. Without anxiety. Without fear. Without hurting other people. Without being hurt myself. Only doing the right things. I wish I could have followed... The shortest path... To the kind world I wish for. I wish... I could have lived my life... Without making any wrong turns. But that is impossible. A path like that doesn't exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time... we push forward. It's all we can do. On our own two feet. Even if we get a little banged up. Someday, we'll reach something. We'll reach someone. We pray."

♥ "Crowds used to make me wonder. How many people would notice if I disappeared? I used to mull over that kind of thing constantly... once upon a time. But now... I'm a little different. It's not like that. It doesn't have to be... A lot of people. Even if it's just one person. That's enough. Having one person... is an incredible thing. Because then... It can't be zero. I was happy. I was happy then, too. I was so happy, it tickled. In the midst of all those people... She singled me out... and found me. And it's the same thing now. Having someone other than yourself... thinking of you. Looking... for you. You can't take that for granted. It's a miraculous and blessed thing."

♥ "... please don't cry anymore. I know that happy things... and fun things.. eventually come to an end. But things that are scary and sad... come to an end too. They always do. Even if you can't always believe that... please don't give up. Live. I want you to live. Even if you make a mistake, even if you take the long way, it's still okay... Just please... please live. Don't give up on pushing forward. Please. At least don't give up on that. Even if I'm not... by your side."

♥ Often times in memory, we have the tendency to overly romanticize the people we care about.

♥ Humans may be fragile creatures, but they're not weak to the extent to being crushed by their painful memories even after they meet with something unfortunate. We're far more resilient that that. Everything will be alright.

♥ "Don't worry, Kanade. What a person has actually gone through is unexpectedly different from what he remembers. Even though that gap may leave him feeling sad sometimes... Even the most vivdly clear memory... will change with time eventually."

♥ "Humans are amazing. Even though they may not see something physically... They'll still sense it. Everything else is the same. If you work hard, others will know that you work hard. If you don't work hard, others will know that you don't work hard."

♥ "Someday... You'll find someone who'll know all your good and bad points... And who'll still love you all the same."

♥ If... There was ever a Land of the Blindfolded, will the people of that land... Understand what it's like to have your blindfold come undone? Even if... Most people will never understand us... There might just be... Someone who can do that. It isn't easy to understand people's feelings... But that doesn't mean... That you're alone.

♥ It is not violence that best overcomes hate — nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.

♥ The real courage is living and suffering for what you believe.

♥ “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

♥ Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all pity those who live without love.

♥ 每一段记忆，都有一个密码。只要时间，地点，人物组合正确，无论尘封多久，那人那景都将在遗忘中重新拾起。你也许会说“不是都过去了吗？”其实过去的只是时间，你依然逃不出，想起了就微笑或悲伤的宿命，那种宿命本叫“无能为力”。

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