Friday, February 11, 2011 8:11 PM
It's all in my mind.
You told me that you read my blog.
That it wasn't true that I cause people to stop blogging...
It's just like that.
I replied that it didn't used to be like that. Multiple blog posts on the same act.
You replied me. And that you'd know, you had looked through the archives.
There was something that rose to my throat-
"Then why don't you-"
But I forced it down. How could I ask that of anyone, when I realise how lonely this situation is? How can I ask that you go through that again, or even think that?
Instead, when I think about it, I should have said that I am in your position those years ago.
Posts after posts, asking for squadmates to bond, to wake up- asking if they are still alive out there.
There is something I have to be thankful about. You. I know I have posted this line before in earlier posts, but I am now refering to another person. The same person in the other part of the same post, if I don't remember wrongly.
Thank you for looking out for me,
Thanks for trying to cheer me up,
Thanks for trying to help.
I realise I cut across you when you had something more to say then. I'm sorry.
Perhaps I tried too much to salvage the situation around me that I overlooked what was more bright.
People make wrong choices.
I am only human.
Sorry.
Thinking about the tee design discussion...
I feel like laughing. Grimacing.
It only about proved my previous post right.
What I do, I do badly.
I can totally go and bang my head on NP room door already, chuckling while doing so.
'Saikang'- you observed correctly, I think.
I either screw it up, or step on peoples' toes;
It's almost destined. And I am walking down the route so obviously fated to happen, just that I keep hoping it won't.
I will see it through. The end product is worth it.
Who cares if someone is disappointed over and over again in the bargain?
Furthermore, I am not the only one.
It doesn't matter.
I'll live. I'll smile.
But here comes the problem people who visit my blog face- how to try and ask me to look at the bright side again and again and again AND again, when I lose faith so easily?
That's probably why no one tags, yeah?
Ask me not to be emo, I will tell you I'm better now.
Next post, another emo one.
I'm sorry, but that's just me.
For the people who have kept up the attempt, a smile.
Thank you.
Labels: Deep Emotions