The void sucks me in.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010 8:13 PM

It's all in my mind.

I was kinda surprised when I received 3 messages when I turned on my handphone this morning.

One from Pei Hua,

one from Ken,

one from En Qi.

At odd hours.

But thanks for the thought. =)

I reached school knowing that SHE-J had planned something for my birthday, but knowing nothing specific. Up til now, actually, I cannot identify who paid for which present in most of the gifts in pic 3.

Still, I'm grateful to SHE-J, Yi Chuan, Min Kuan who made that morning a wonderful one. =)

Next, to thank the people who wished me happy birthday: Lucy, Junianti, Vera, Siying, Rachel, Su Hui, Jia Min, and the entire 3E, who sang a happy birthday song for me and Joey. It was kinda weird- but Weilin managed to say "Joey and Jing Yee~" fine, surprisingly. ^^

I was wished happy birthday by my squadmates. Ken, Madeleine, Shou Fong, Amanda around the time of CHAMPS assembly...

I was wished happy birthday again by Amanda while climbing the stairs...

And when I was packing my bag, Amanda and Ruth suddenly appeared and wished me happy birthday. They wrote me a card! Just read it's full contents; thank you very much, both of you. You think too highly of me. I'm not that good. ^^

Ate the lunch that Hui Li prepared for me... There were chocolates!~ It was nice. Thanks, Huili. ^^

When the day ended, I got to NP room where I collected more "Happy Birthday"s from people like Junianti, Ken, Pei Hao, Yang Sheng, Seow Hwee...

Skipping details. Uh, we were asked to fall in in front of the general office in 30 seconds (-.-), and during that 30 seconds or more, I:

1) got my left wrist smacked against a wall for I dunno what reason. Gonna have a bruise.

2) my hairnet came loose, my figure-of-eight clip no longer wanted to cooperate with my hair.

Then Service Day started; I was grouped with Aloyiscious (sp error?) and Rachel. We were to do the same block, 262, with Zhang Ying's group- Pei Jia, Jovi Kuah and a year one junior. I realised that my mandarin was horrendous. I can't properly say "We're from River Valley High School NPCC. We're here to share some information on Crime Prevention with you. Do you have some time to spare?" properly, fluently! And Ms Khang said we were not only representing NPCC, we were representing RV. Yeah. I was showing off my rojak language. My group got on quite well with each other. Zhang Ying's group started from the bottom of the block, we did from the top.

We met at level 9/8. Received a call from Pei Hao saying that we were the last, everyone was waiting. Perfect. But he insisted that we finish our half a level more. I was quite testy with him; *sigh* Coordi, if you see this, please don't mind me. I didn't mean to snap at you. In fact, I also was very testy with Jovi Kuah. Wonder why. Hm...

We finally got back to school. At the foyer... A birthday song from my squad. (juniors included? excluded? I'm not sure, I wasn't focusing on them) AH~ Feel so undeserving. Keng Seng's birthday just passed recently and we didn't do that for him.......... And... I felt touched.

And on the way back to NP room after dismissal, more birthday wishes. From Amanda, from Madeline, from Shou Fong... basically, from almost everyone. AHH~ too much focus on me. Embarassed...

Outside NP room, another round of the happy birthday song. Too kind, too kind. I didn't do anything to deserve this much.

And basically, that's how the rest of the hour continued. "birthday girl" this, "happy birthday" the next second... And I saying "Thank you" for every "happy birthday"...

Thank you, squadmates; I am grateful to be able to call you all my squadmates. Thank you.

Thank you to SHE-J and the others- wonderful friends. Thanks so much. But next time please don't spend so much on me. I'll feel bad~

Thank you to my paternal side and maternal side relatives, especially my third aunt, for the chocolate birthday cake she baked...

I really don't deserve it. But thank you, everyone, for everything today. Thank you.

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

~ Profile ~

Tan Jing Yee
River Valley High School
RVNP HotShots! (sec1'08)
~~Shuqun Primary School~~
28 July

~ some quotes ~

♥ But I think... I want to live with all my memories. Even if they're bad memories. Even if they're memories that only hurt me... that I'd rather forget. If I keep them and keep trying, without running away, then someday I'll be strong enough that those memories can't defeat me. I believe that because I want to think that there's no such thing as a memory that's ok to forget.

♥ Pain, suffering. It's pointless to just think about those things. The traveler (referring to "The Most Foolish Traveler" by Natsuki Takaya) didn't. That may be stupid to some people but that's not stupid to me. Yuki... Kyo... when you close your eyes, what do you think?

♥ Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away... despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner hope will return to you. Again and again.

♥ Someday... no matter how cold it is now... the snow will melt. Without fail.

♥ For there to be pain, there has to be kindness. For darkness to stand out, there has to be the sun.

♥ Maybe I'm not perfect. Maybe I have a long way to go. But someday... someday I'll be able to stand and walk on my own. Without hurting anyone... and without being a burden.

♥ We're all born with selfish desires so we can relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is created individually by each person... So it's easy to misunderstand when someone is trying to be kind to you... But, Tohru, people's differences are something to celebrate.

♥ "And if when everything ends, nothing is left in my hands...that's alright."

♥ Mingling with people, hurting them, getting hurt by them. That's how you learn about people and about yourself. If you don't, you'll never care about anyone but yourself.

♥ I want to be the only one... who can help the one I care about.

♥ "I wish I could have lived... In a kind world. Without anxiety. Without fear. Without hurting other people. Without being hurt myself. Only doing the right things. I wish I could have followed... The shortest path... To the kind world I wish for. I wish... I could have lived my life... Without making any wrong turns. But that is impossible. A path like that doesn't exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time... we push forward. It's all we can do. On our own two feet. Even if we get a little banged up. Someday, we'll reach something. We'll reach someone. We pray."

♥ "Crowds used to make me wonder. How many people would notice if I disappeared? I used to mull over that kind of thing constantly... once upon a time. But now... I'm a little different. It's not like that. It doesn't have to be... A lot of people. Even if it's just one person. That's enough. Having one person... is an incredible thing. Because then... It can't be zero. I was happy. I was happy then, too. I was so happy, it tickled. In the midst of all those people... She singled me out... and found me. And it's the same thing now. Having someone other than yourself... thinking of you. Looking... for you. You can't take that for granted. It's a miraculous and blessed thing."

♥ "... please don't cry anymore. I know that happy things... and fun things.. eventually come to an end. But things that are scary and sad... come to an end too. They always do. Even if you can't always believe that... please don't give up. Live. I want you to live. Even if you make a mistake, even if you take the long way, it's still okay... Just please... please live. Don't give up on pushing forward. Please. At least don't give up on that. Even if I'm not... by your side."

♥ Often times in memory, we have the tendency to overly romanticize the people we care about.

♥ Humans may be fragile creatures, but they're not weak to the extent to being crushed by their painful memories even after they meet with something unfortunate. We're far more resilient that that. Everything will be alright.

♥ "Don't worry, Kanade. What a person has actually gone through is unexpectedly different from what he remembers. Even though that gap may leave him feeling sad sometimes... Even the most vivdly clear memory... will change with time eventually."

♥ "Humans are amazing. Even though they may not see something physically... They'll still sense it. Everything else is the same. If you work hard, others will know that you work hard. If you don't work hard, others will know that you don't work hard."

♥ "Someday... You'll find someone who'll know all your good and bad points... And who'll still love you all the same."

♥ If... There was ever a Land of the Blindfolded, will the people of that land... Understand what it's like to have your blindfold come undone? Even if... Most people will never understand us... There might just be... Someone who can do that. It isn't easy to understand people's feelings... But that doesn't mean... That you're alone.

♥ It is not violence that best overcomes hate — nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.

♥ The real courage is living and suffering for what you believe.

♥ “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

♥ Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all pity those who live without love.

♥ 每一段记忆，都有一个密码。只要时间，地点，人物组合正确，无论尘封多久，那人那景都将在遗忘中重新拾起。你也许会说“不是都过去了吗？”其实过去的只是时间，你依然逃不出，想起了就微笑或悲伤的宿命，那种宿命本叫“无能为力”。

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