The void sucks me in.

Monday, May 25, 2009 5:20 PM

It's all in my mind.

On Saturday evening, I was excused from tuition and my mum and I went to City Hall for food. It's amazing that my mum could still cycle me on her back, seeing that, while I am shorter than her, I am nearly her weight. She biked me to Lakeside Mrt Station, and we went on the journey. On the way, we discussed what we were going to eat. We had differing opinions, but in the end we decided to eat Myanmar food... what she had thought about.

When we reached City Hall eventually, my mum decided to top up 5 dollars in my ez-link card. With me behind her, she went to the counter and asked to add value. Amazingly, the auntie beyond the counter thought that my mum was using HER old card (Secondary School), and probably afterwards that I was using someone else's ez-link card. It took an exasperatingly long time for her to figure out that the "boy" in the picture was actually me. I happened to have my hair in a ponytail that day. Really amusing- I have heard that I was "帅" in the photograph, but never-!? Looking back that in primary school I would consider calling me a guy as a compliment, I was actually shocked and horrified that the auntie made such an error- a far cry from joy. The first interesting event upon my visit to City Hall MRT Station.

Anyway, the Myanmar food at Pennisular Plaza basement was actually in a restaurant. Attracted by the fact that one of the plates of noodles came with fishcake and egg, i ignored the fact that it was spicy and ordered it. My mum got a plate of fried rice. Only starting through the food, i was overcome by the spiciness in the noodles. GAH. Even the fishcake and egg was not making up for it. After what seemed like an eternal wait, my mum's dish arrived. She ate a bit, and swapped the rest with me. Bliss. No more chilly. Yay. There were cashew nuts too! I chomped through the tomatoes and a piece of leaf.

There was one thing i generally detested about eating drumsticks at home. I had to gnaw and gnaw like a frenzied dog before i could pull out fibres of meat from it. Thus it was with mixed feelings as i picked up the drumstick that accompanied the fried rice. Surprise, surprise, the fibres came off so easily! So soft, even. Probably the first time i truely enjoyed eating chicken thoroughly.

Afterwards, my mum ordered a Myanmar styled ice kachang and what looked like a hot seedcake (?) I happily scooped the ice shards into my mouth until i found pieces of peanut in there. Sigh. Such nice food must have a catch. I spent the rest of the time pulling out peanut bits, and slowly going through the ice kachang. It had completely melted by the time i was done with it. It might be good to add that i was in an air-conditioned enviroment.

Finally done with food, and Hui Li called me to pull me back to earth on my geography project. How pleasant.

We went to the MPH bookstore and got a couple of books to read. Unfortunately, my mum did not register the fact that i did not want to read up on law- it feels meaningless to do so. Refer to my previous post's last couple of paragraphs. I may go on about why i would not take law if i could if i felt strongly about it again. Meanwhile, my mum got me a book on Tort Law.

Not that i could understand everything, but there were interesting extracts from the book. I had only read up the basics of Negligence. And funnily, the term was of differing meaning than our everyday use. There was such an extract. I forgot all their names, so i shall replace them with alphabets.

Mr A was an employee for a movers company. One day, there was extra furniture and he had to attach a (i dunno what) to his truck(lorry?). It so happened that the screw was loose, and on the way uphill, the (i dunno what) became detached and it rolled down the slope, hitting a motorcyclist, Mr B. To prevent herself from hitting the (dunno what) and the motorcyclist, Miss C tried to brake, but in her mistake, she hit the accelerator and drove the car into a tree. Her driving instructor, Mr D, suffered therefore a backlash (whatever it is) effect and damages to his car. Mr B was sent to hospital, but the doctor (who had just come out 2 days from his medical training) said that Mr B was well. He did seem well- until he died soon after reaching his home (internal bleeding, i think).

Okay, a series of misfortunate events. It became very misfortunate that Mr A, although ignorant, could be sued for negligence, for he became a menace to fellow road users (Mr B, Miss C and Mr D). Miss C had a duty to Mr D for she was the driver (even though she was learning, she was driving- such a skill that you would be classified under professional even though you were working to it- basically, she can't get out of it coz she's only learning) and Mr D had a responsibility to Miss C as her instructor. Using the same reason, the doctor who saw Mr B was also able to be charged under negligence. Although other doctors may have thought the same, the majority view would not be able to get you out of a court case for negligence, if the view defied common sense/ logic.

I remembered that there was another 3 interesting extracts.

Mr E suffered from severe depression and was to have a (i dunno the term- it has to do with shocking the brain with electricity currents.) Dr F put him through the (whatever it is... my memory is not good) without safety straps- the result being that Mr E suffered now from 2 dislocated hips and (i forgot what.) And the guy was not prosecuted because there were differing opinions on the usage of these straps in the medical field. I feel like shouting for the poor Mr E: What the hell am I to do now?!

There were 2 fifteen year old girls fighting with plastic rulers. One fine day, one of the plastic rulers chipped off and it hit the opponent in the eye, robbing her of "any useful sight". (i was there wondering if the book got the age wrong. otherwise, we would seriously have to worry about the people in our cohort doing such "dangerous" things)

The girl who was not hit could not be sued for negligence because it was unforseen, and that average fifteen year old schoolgirls would not have kept away from it either.

Another incident: Mr G was blind in one eye. He worked as a car mechanic. One fine day (yes, very fine, because it was a fine day when i read it) part of the car part chipped off and injured his other eye, making him completely blind. The employers were still sued for negligence even though it was not common practice that they handed out goggles- it was because it was understood that the same injury would not be as serious on a normal person, so normal standards were not to be what Mr G went by. If a guy got his injury he'd be half blind- if Mr G got it (he did) he would be totally blind. Yup.

Please do not think that I happily read through this entire portion without fidgeting. I did. There was a whole shelf of cute teddies and other delicate objects- porcelain teddy bear, dolphin, porcupine saving banks, music boxes, mugs... Before reading my eyes wandered, during reading my eyes wandered, after reading my eyes wandered... That's probably why i forgot the most essential part: WHAT IS NEGLIGENCE. I forgot. Sigh.

Anyway, the good thing i got out of going there with my mum was that my mum promised that she (or my dad? hm...) would get me a big panda soft toy that i could put on my bed. Yay!!! I am superbly pleased right now. It scares me that i think of a panda soft toy though. Yup. Ya. Yes. Hm. Yup. Huh. Yes. I ain't making much sense, am I? Yes, that signals that I have come to the end of my post. Yup. Yeah. That's it.

Stop reading already.

P.S. Thanks Joanne for doing this blog. Not dead yet.
P.P.S. It horrifies me that i still have so much that i have not put into tangible forms even though i have posted.

May we only do things that can withstand the scrutiny of the world.

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Tan Jing Yee
River Valley High School
RVNP HotShots! (sec1'08)
~~Shuqun Primary School~~
28 July

~ some quotes ~

♥ But I think... I want to live with all my memories. Even if they're bad memories. Even if they're memories that only hurt me... that I'd rather forget. If I keep them and keep trying, without running away, then someday I'll be strong enough that those memories can't defeat me. I believe that because I want to think that there's no such thing as a memory that's ok to forget.

♥ Pain, suffering. It's pointless to just think about those things. The traveler (referring to "The Most Foolish Traveler" by Natsuki Takaya) didn't. That may be stupid to some people but that's not stupid to me. Yuki... Kyo... when you close your eyes, what do you think?

♥ Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away... despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner hope will return to you. Again and again.

♥ Someday... no matter how cold it is now... the snow will melt. Without fail.

♥ For there to be pain, there has to be kindness. For darkness to stand out, there has to be the sun.

♥ Maybe I'm not perfect. Maybe I have a long way to go. But someday... someday I'll be able to stand and walk on my own. Without hurting anyone... and without being a burden.

♥ We're all born with selfish desires so we can relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is created individually by each person... So it's easy to misunderstand when someone is trying to be kind to you... But, Tohru, people's differences are something to celebrate.

♥ "And if when everything ends, nothing is left in my hands...that's alright."

♥ Mingling with people, hurting them, getting hurt by them. That's how you learn about people and about yourself. If you don't, you'll never care about anyone but yourself.

♥ I want to be the only one... who can help the one I care about.

♥ "I wish I could have lived... In a kind world. Without anxiety. Without fear. Without hurting other people. Without being hurt myself. Only doing the right things. I wish I could have followed... The shortest path... To the kind world I wish for. I wish... I could have lived my life... Without making any wrong turns. But that is impossible. A path like that doesn't exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time... we push forward. It's all we can do. On our own two feet. Even if we get a little banged up. Someday, we'll reach something. We'll reach someone. We pray."

♥ "Crowds used to make me wonder. How many people would notice if I disappeared? I used to mull over that kind of thing constantly... once upon a time. But now... I'm a little different. It's not like that. It doesn't have to be... A lot of people. Even if it's just one person. That's enough. Having one person... is an incredible thing. Because then... It can't be zero. I was happy. I was happy then, too. I was so happy, it tickled. In the midst of all those people... She singled me out... and found me. And it's the same thing now. Having someone other than yourself... thinking of you. Looking... for you. You can't take that for granted. It's a miraculous and blessed thing."

♥ "... please don't cry anymore. I know that happy things... and fun things.. eventually come to an end. But things that are scary and sad... come to an end too. They always do. Even if you can't always believe that... please don't give up. Live. I want you to live. Even if you make a mistake, even if you take the long way, it's still okay... Just please... please live. Don't give up on pushing forward. Please. At least don't give up on that. Even if I'm not... by your side."

♥ Often times in memory, we have the tendency to overly romanticize the people we care about.

♥ Humans may be fragile creatures, but they're not weak to the extent to being crushed by their painful memories even after they meet with something unfortunate. We're far more resilient that that. Everything will be alright.

♥ "Don't worry, Kanade. What a person has actually gone through is unexpectedly different from what he remembers. Even though that gap may leave him feeling sad sometimes... Even the most vivdly clear memory... will change with time eventually."

♥ "Humans are amazing. Even though they may not see something physically... They'll still sense it. Everything else is the same. If you work hard, others will know that you work hard. If you don't work hard, others will know that you don't work hard."

♥ "Someday... You'll find someone who'll know all your good and bad points... And who'll still love you all the same."

♥ If... There was ever a Land of the Blindfolded, will the people of that land... Understand what it's like to have your blindfold come undone? Even if... Most people will never understand us... There might just be... Someone who can do that. It isn't easy to understand people's feelings... But that doesn't mean... That you're alone.

♥ It is not violence that best overcomes hate — nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.

♥ The real courage is living and suffering for what you believe.

♥ “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

♥ Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all pity those who live without love.

♥ 每一段记忆，都有一个密码。只要时间，地点，人物组合正确，无论尘封多久，那人那景都将在遗忘中重新拾起。你也许会说“不是都过去了吗？”其实过去的只是时间，你依然逃不出，想起了就微笑或悲伤的宿命，那种宿命本叫“无能为力”。

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